


Broken Beyond Repair.

by Rezzekmood



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Alpha Derek Hale, Angst, Bottom Peter Hale, Derek is 29, Eichen | Echo House, Fear, Full Shift Peter, Hurt Peter, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Incest, Knotting, M/M, Malia Doesn't Exist, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Peter has changed, Peter is 31, Peter is afraid, Possessive Derek, Psychological Torture, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Burn, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, The Hale Pack - Freeform, Top Derek Hale, Torture, Tortured Peter Hale, Touch-Starved Peter Hale, Trauma, Uncle/Nephew Incest, full shift derek, ignore everything after season 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2020-05-13 16:34:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19254994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rezzekmood/pseuds/Rezzekmood
Summary: What Derek doesn't know is that his pack, his family were more vile than Kate made them out to be.When Scott foils Peter's plans to escape Eichen House, Peter is sent to Dr Valack where horrors he thought he'd never be subject to ever again or not at all occur.Peter's mask slipped after the fire, cracked after his death and finally shattered in Eichen House. Every secret he's been keeping from Derek and Cora about the old Hale pack will eventually come into the light, how can they not when Peter Hale is still plagued by what he's been through.Still wakes in tears from nightmares that only got worse after Eichen House, his trust was broken by his family, his loyalty ripped away as if he wasn't even loyal to begin with.He only wishes for one thing anymore ... Death.





	1. You will not have me.

Peter had planned it for so very _long_ , planned in silence and waited until he could strike but once again Scott McCall and his pack had to get in his way.

 _Everything_ hurt as he opened his eyes to see white walls, one of the walls was made of glass with a door off to the side of it and another door set on the forth wall about a meter away from the glass wall.

The room had a toilet and sink in full view of the room's other inhabitant and a single uncomfortable cot that was currently occupied by said other inhabitant.

Peter was furious to say the least, his months of planning was once again ruined by _teenagers_ who had no clue what they were even doing "pipe down mutt," the man on the cot snapped as he turned to face Peter, he had a weird welt like thing in the middle of his forehead making Peter want to gag.

"Make me," Peter was too angry to be dealing with him, he wanted revenge on Scott McCall and anyone who stands with him.

He could feel the wolfsbane running through his system, poisoning his wolf and hindering most of his supernatural abilities. The mountain ash in the walls and foundation of the very building made his skin crawl; there was no way out of the cell.

Not in his current state.

He paced the room before he was knocked out of his thoughts again by his cell mate "knock it off before I come over there and make you," he sounded about as happy as Peter felt, normally Peter would be cautious of the unknown man.

Wouldn't rile him up just in case he was able to back up his words and was stronger than him in his current state, poisoned and disoriented.

Later he would blame the wolfsbane for what happened next, then later yet again he would blame Scott McCall and later still he would move on to blaming himself.

His cell mate somehow managed to push him down onto the white tile floor, the welt at the centre of his forehead opened up and Peter swore he could see an eyeball.

Peter knew that night he was wrong to rile the man up, he was a Cyclops and he had been locked away in Eichen House. He was once again re living the nightmare of his family's murder, their screams and the lick of heat up his sides accompanied the mountain ash and smoke suffocating his lungs.

He was delirious when he was finally able to shake his way out of the dream; the orderlies were in to give him another dose of wolfsbane so he knows he's been under a while.

Valack is the man's name; Peter didn't bother fighting with him over the bed.

Not after the first time he'd _tried_ , it must have been longer that he was trapped inside his own head that time. The next dose of wolfsbane had already been administered and Peter was starting to regret getting on Valack's bad side.

The man obviously disliked him after the last few times; he'd taken a liking to scrambling Peter's head.

It was like a sick pleasure of his.

Peter had lost count of the days, he was slowly going insane _again_. He was Omega again so it wouldn't take long, he just hoped it came before he went feral.

When he woke up after a particularly nasty bout with Valack he was in another room, it was hard to tell at first but he _was_ in another room and the Cyclops was nowhere to be seen.

For the first time in what felt like a long time he was free from the man, he was alone now and that wasn't good but he'd choose it over _him_. It was so much better than spending an indefinite amount of time with that sicko, he was glad in a way.

He could still shift his claws so he began carving revenge spirals in his cell, Scott McCall was going to get it next time he saw the runt.

He could finally begin planning, the spirals served as a _warning_.

It was harder than he originally thought; they'd upped his wolfsbane dosage again making it harder to think, harder to feel and know what was real.

He couldn't monitor the layout as they never let him leave the cell; he couldn't study patterns in shift change because he was in a constant state of half delusion.

His anger was slowly simmering down.

They wouldn't _have_ him.

He wouldn't _let_ them.

That's when he heard a banshee screaming.

It sounded so familiar but in his fogged up mind he couldn't quite place what he was hearing, couldn't place where he was most of the time and he didn't know how long he'd been stuck in the small four by five cell.

It wasn't until the orderlies had forgotten to give him the usual dose of wolfsbane that he realised something was _wrong_ , he realised that this would be his chance when the locks on the doors all opened.

He was still weak, weaker than when he came back from the dead but he wouldn't let them have him.

He managed to stand on shaking legs and ripped open the door with force equal to that of an ordinary human, he'd get Scott McCall for this, he'd kill him and take the power that was rightfully his.

It was chaos all around him, the last scream of the familiar banshee had cleared his drug hazed mind. He could see the panic and fear as fellow supernatural prisoners ripped open the guards in a last ditch effort to escape, Peter realised where he knew the banshee from when he saw none other than Scott McCall running through the halls.

Lydia had been taken to Eichen House and the pack had come to save her, they'd come to get her out whilst he was left to **rot** away.

Scott saw him, Peter knew he wasn't strong enough to fight the Alpha off so he headed the other way. He headed to the only exit he knew of when a hand roughly pulled him back by the shoulder "where do you think you're going?" Scott tightened his grip on Peter's shoulder "get your hand off of me before I rip your throat out," Peter snarled as he tried to shake off the offending hand.

It was no _use_.

He was still doped up on wolfsbane and the teen holding him back was an Alpha werewolf, resisting was futile at that point in time.

Peter knew that but he couldn't help it, he **hated** Scott.

Hated the biggest mistake he'd made in his life, Laura didn't count, she deserved what she got.

At least that's what he'd told himself.

If he could go back in time to that night he would not have bitten Scott McCall, he would have gotten out of Beacon Hills as soon as he woke up and planned his revenge better.

"You're not leaving Eichen Peter," Scott threw his weakened body back into his cell and closed the heavy door "NO! LET ME OUT! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!" Peter shouted and snarled as he clawed at the door with human nails, he tried to reach the teen so he could inflict some damage and try to get away but it was no use "you deserve this Peter, I won't endanger my pack for you ... not again," Scott bent the lock into place and turned to continue down the hall, continue to where Lydia was being kept.

"NO!" Peter pulled at the door but it wouldn't budge "YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE!" he screamed in **fear** this time, his only chance at escape was flowing through his fingers like water and he didn't know when his next chance would come, if there was another chance.

"COME BACK! ... I'LL LEAVE BEACON HILLS! ... please," his shouting soon turned to begging and before he knew it he was sobbing against the bars, hands reaching out to the long gone figure of the person he hated the most "don't leave me here ... I won't survive," he felt his knees buckle under him and he slumped to the ground, his head lolled to the side as he sat back and willed the tears to stop.

**They wouldn't have him, he wouldn't let them.**

He repeated those words like a mantra as he listened to the chaos slowly die down, instead it was replaced by the agonising screams of the prisoners as they were killed or push back into cells.

Peter wouldn't give up, it wasn't his style.

So with a heavy sigh he stood once more on shaking legs and moved to the side of the door, waiting, _hoping_ that a guard or orderly would enter his cell to check things over. After all the bent lock was suspicious, he waited quietly as he struggled to support his weak body.

He **_hated_** that.

Hated the feeling of being weak.

Being helpless and at the mercy of everyone around him, Scott McCall would get what's coming to him one day. He'd kill him for leaving him in this place, for locking him in a cell for the second time.

For taking away what little he could control about his life after the fire, what little sanity he'd managed to cling onto with the notion of _pack_.

The door swung open and Peter moved almost on instinct as he attacked the man closest to him, he managed to get his human nails into the flesh of his skin so he squeezed hard and crushed his windpipe.

He was ready for the next when he saw Valack standing with them, he was confused at why he was with the people who kept him prisoner but he was wearing what they were so they couldn't be forcing him.

He felt his head split with the force of Valack's mental invasion, he felt his knees give out under him for the second time that day and _despaired_.

The brief fear he felt earlier was back, he never thought he'd be afraid like this. He was more afraid here in Eichen House than he was when he was stuck inside his family home as everyone he loved burned, screamed and despaired around him.

There was no room in his already broken mind for the sanity he'd managed to build back up, he felt it slip through his fingers and he desperately tried to grasp at it to no avail.

Valack watch in glee as tears fell from his eyes, he felt his mind break but at least that way they couldn't hurt him the same way anymore.

He had no sanity left, only the words 'they can't have me' were left swirling around as he **_laughed_**.

Laughed at the memories of death and despair replaying in his mind and looked challengingly at Valack "got anything better, this is such a bore," he knew he shouldn't rile the man up, he should have learnt that last time but as they cuffed his hands and began dragging him away he couldn't be bothered to care anymore.

They were all dead.

Those who knew he was locked away couldn't care less, the last of his living family had left him _again_.

Left the mutt to lock him away in a place he could only dream of escaping without outside help, he had burnt all his bridges with his last power struggle and that had failed.

He had no one and he wasn't getting out.

That much was clear to him and so all he could do was laugh and shout "YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!"

"Oh we'll see about that Peter, I'm going to enjoy breaking you," Valack snickered as they reached the last floor of Eichen House, the floor that had earned it the name Echo House and made werewolves pass on the knowledge that those who entered Echo House never leave.

The storied mothers would tell their pups when they were bad and oh how true they were, Peter had no time to regret his decisions.

Not down there.

He missed the warmth of the sun on his skin but the fire they used to burn him erased that desire, doped up on as much wolfsbane as they could give him without him dying, they used the thing that he feared most against him. They burnt him over and over, his lungs filled with the scent of burning flesh and his ears were filled with the sound of him screaming but they wouldn't have him. 

He wouldn't give them that satisfaction.

Electricity was used next, he was strapped down still healing from the burns when they poked and prodded him with metal. Electric zapping through his body and made him twitch involuntarily, he only laughed, his mind wouldn't allow him anything else.

He wouldn't let them have their pleasure in torturing him, he tried to keep his screams to a minimum.

He wouldn't let Valack break him.

Not like this.

But that's just it isn't it?

Valack wanted to break Peter and nothing was going to stand in his way, he'd have him begging and screaming for him to kill him.

Valack just _knew_ it.


	2. My breaking point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the only warning I give, there will be detailed Rape/non-con scenes in this chapter as well as graphic depictions of torture.

Peter didn't know how long he'd been there, locked away in Eichen House.

Since the pack came to rescue Lydia and he was left to _rot_ , pushed into another kind of hell.

He'd not left the room they'd dragged him to the day the chaos dulled, they figured out pretty quick that he was adjusting to the strand of wolfsbane they were using on him and decided to experiment with _more_. 

He'd almost died a few times, his werewolf healing had long given up under the constant barrage of assault. His skin no longer knit back together in a matter of minutes and he was able to experience the full effects of blood loss, the nauseating dizziness caused from lack of sunlight now that his advanced healing had stopped was almost as bad as the electrocution.

It was always dark where he was, strapped down on the cold metal table as they cut him open and tested new drugs on him.

The only time any light breached the darkness was when they came and tortured him, it was too bright when they did. _Harsh_ fake light blinding his already damaged eyes, he could hardly see from one of them, the right he thinks, he couldn't be sure why that was though.

He'd given up a long time ago, or was it not that long ago?

Time seemed to flow _differently_ in the darkness, Valack was getting impatient.

He hadn't broken Peter, no, Peter had just given in to the fact that he would only be able to leave in a body bag.

His body had grown numb to the pain, nothing they did to him was as bad as the drugs they tested on him. The outside pain wasn't as bad as the pain of those drugs fucking up his insides, nothing was as bad as the voices in his head.

**_'Worthless' 'no one loves you' 'you will never leave' 'it's all your fault' 'disgusting' 'you're going to die here' 'you deserve this.'_ **

They whisper in the back of his mind, his insanity only growing stronger with each passing day.

The only thing keeping him alive is the slop they force feed him every now and then, he wouldn't know if it was routine, if he was fed once a day or once a week. Not anymore, time didn't work that way here.

He didn't want to know how long he'd been trapped here, if he knew then the words would only get worse. They'd tell him how his only living relatives had taken off and left him to _rot_ , that Derek and Cora were somewhere safe and happy whilst he was here, tied to a metal table with wires and electricity and poison working through his body.

"Peter how are you feeling today?" the mocking sound of Dr Valack's voice came along with the harsh sting of the fluorescent lights, Peter was sure he was half deaf as well as partially blind.

Every sound was just so _dull_ these days, some of them he couldn't even pick up until they were right beside him just like now.

Dr Valack's heavy footsteps only registered in his ears when the man was next to him, a cold smile on his face and Peter knew it couldn't be good. They'd poured a new strand of wolfsbane down his throat recently so he couldn't speak, couldn't even scream anymore and he just hoped that if he was to somehow survive this that his werewolf healing would repair some the damage.

Sense was everything to a wolf, he was already **damaged**.

Dr Valack pulled a scalpel from the little table beside where he was strapped down, it was coated in yellow wolfsbane and even though he couldn't smell it he knew it was one of their modified versions "are you ready?" he liked to rub the fact he couldn't speak anymore in his face, liked to taunt him and would hurt him if he didn't respond even though he knew he couldn't.

Peter's lips parted in a silent scream as the blade came down onto his still tender skin, the electricity was turned off but he was used to that. This he wasn't used to, the sharp blade pierced skin and scraped bones as Dr Valack opened up a jagged cut from his collarbone to the bottom of his ribs. Blood began pooling out of the cut as his healing tried to start the now painful process to re knit his skin together, he hated his healing at times like this.

He didn't look like he was having fun anymore which was bad for Peter "why won't you just break? Why do you hold on despite the fact that no one will _ever_ come for you," he spat ruthlessly as he threw the blade down "I'm running out of ideas Peter, maybe you'll like my next one," were his last words before Peter passed out.

He woke up in a cell much like his old one but smaller, it could barely be called a storage closet and he wouldn't have been able to move even if he could. The lighting above was harsh on his eyes and he was exhausted, he hadn't slept since he got here, not without being knocked out by drugs at least. He heard the door open from his curled up position on the cold floor, it was a rough grey cement and was damp with water "Peter are you ready for our new idea?" Valack wasn't the only one to come in through the door, behind him were several guards who worked with him when he was torturing the prisoners.

Peter couldn't help it as he cowered, folding in on himself to make him seem as small as possible.

He knew it wouldn't work but he couldn't help the natural reaction, he was always scared now, always weary of the man's intentions and he knew just how close he really was to breaking.

"Don't be like that Peter, we're all here to have some fun," a cold shiver went down Peter's spine, he had a feeling they weren't here to hurt him.

No, they wouldn't move him from **THAT** room into another if they just wanted to beat and torture him " ... " he tried saying 'no' as he scooted back against the wall "hold him down, I want to go first," Valack motioned to the guards that had followed him in.

Peter was taken roughly as Valack approached, his already tattered pants were torn off by the man "now let's see how long you can hold on," Valack unzipped his pants and motioned to the guards holding Peter, they forced him onto his hands and knees where Valack grabbed his hips roughly.

Peter tried to struggle against their grips, tried to crawl away but it only seemed to _excite_ the man behind him further. He pressed his already hardened cock against his entrance and leaned across his back to whisper "now why didn't I think of this sooner," and pushed in with a harsh thrust of his hips, Peter tried to cry out, to scream or dislodge the hands on him so he could get away but Valack held him in place.

His squirming only seemed to excite him and he thrust into his already bleeding entrance, before his arms could give out from under him a guard had thrust his cock into his unsuspecting mouth "if you so much as bite him then I'll pull your teeth out," Valack growled through his lust filled haze, he was enjoying the blood soaked entrance as it squeezed down on his hard cock.

He couldn't care less that the man under him was bleeding so much he may just die, the guard ramming his cock down his throat didn't care that Peter couldn't breath nor that he was choking.

The guard finished fucking his face with a low growl and Peter was forced to swallow it as another took his place, Valack had already finished behind him and another was taking his place. The pain wasn't as bad as the torture but being forced down and fucked against his will was, Peter could only kneel there and take it as his hair was tugged harshly and his mouth was used without care. They didn't have to hold him down anymore, hew was too weak to resist at that point.

Blood ran down his thighs and pooled on the ground below him, he couldn't stop them, his limbs were like lead and he soon passed out from the blood loss.

When he woke to the empty room he wished he had died; his back, waist, hips and entrance hurt. A dull throbbing was coursing through his entire lower body and the blood was still flowing sluggishly, for once he wished he didn't have werewolf healing to keep him alive.

Not after what had just happened to him.

He welcomed the darkness once again, the light above him too much for him to be able to bear for too long. He hoped he wouldn't wake up again but knew he would, he was a werewolf after all and he wouldn't die like that even if his advanced healing was almost useless.

He was woke again to the sound of his door opening, he didn't know how long he'd been out but the bleeding had stopped and the pain was almost none existant "awake? Ready for round two Peter?" Valack cackled as he approached with a box of things Peter hoped didn't include wolfsbane, he once again tried to get away which only made the man laugh again "eager are we? Not broken yet?" Valack pulled out a vial of what Peter had come to know as wolfsbane.

He was once again forced down by Valack's guards, his arse in the air as Valack opened the little purple vial and poured it into his hole. 

Everything _burned_ all over again as he felt the wolfsbane inside of him, it entered the cuts and tears in his channel and Peter couldn't stop the tears falling down his face and the pain was enough to lock his limbs in place "being good today?" Valack mocked, he knew it was the wolfsbane "now that's no fun, I like it better when you struggle," he whispered in Peter's ear and the guards holding him down snickered at him.

The voices were back, they were worse than before.

**_'Slut' 'whore' 'worthless' 'your fault' 'just die' 'even your family don't love you' 'ugly' 'you deserve this.'_ **

He couldn't help but believe the words his own mind spat at him, the nasty, vile things the man above him whispered in his ears as he thrust back into his body using the wolfsbane as lube. 

His mouth wasn't left alone, no they used that too.

He'd accidently nicked one of them as they pound into his mouth leading Valack to gleefully pull out his sharper teeth, a mouth full of blood and semen and wolfsbane was all that was left.

He could already feel new teeth coming in and knew the man would have fun _pulling_ them out again and again until his healing gave up, his knees couldn't hold his weight up anymore but the rough hands holding him up stopped him from finding his relief.

He was bruised all over, some of them liked to choke him as they fucked him, others would shove the toys Valack brought with him in his already abused hole.

Stretching him needlessly as they coated it all in wolfsbane, their laughter piercing his mind when he passed out from the pain.

He just wanted it all to end yet it wouldn't, the wolfsbane had been modified and no matter how much they used on him it wasn't _enough_.

He wanted to die and finally be allowed to join his family.

Wanted to tell everyone he'd hurt how sorry he was, tell them he didn't mean to kill Laura and that Paige was truly an accident.

Valack would slice his back open and pour in the poisons and mountain ash he'd created, used the blood to slick up his hole and take him forcefully again and again before he was passed around to the others. He had no clothes so the cold easily seeped into his bones, the water in his cell making it all the worse as he tried to sleep.

He was given less and less food the longer he was at Eichen, the closer he came to breaking.

He was already broken from the minute Valack had forced himself onto him that first time so long ago, all the other times was for his own amusement.

He still loved to mess with his head, he'd make him dream of being raped and cut open whenever he was able to sleep.

Peter didn't know if he'd ever be the same again, not really.

He was different after the fire; different after the coma, different after killing Laura, different after dying and different after spending the first short while in Eichen before he was brought down to the last floor and _tortured_.

He'd lost himself a long time ago and there was no going back to it, he couldn't see as well as he used to and so he wouldn't be able to fight like he used to making him useless to a pack.

He couldn't hear as well as he used to, he wouldn't be good at hunting like he used to, wouldn't be able to hear the sounds of nature a normal person wouldn't be able to.

His voice was gone and even if it came back he didn't know if he'd be able to use it like he used to, he wouldn't be able to cut his opponent down with words alone.

They'd taken his sharpest teeth and even if they came back he would always feel the _ach_ of loosing them, he wouldn't know how to use them to attack anymore,

They'd pulled out his claws and mangled his fingers, he'd be unable to defend himself ever again, not like he used to anyway.

They'd taking his dignity, something he can live without when compared to the rest.

His wolf hadn't stirred in a long time, Peter feared he'd lost him, feared he was becoming a human and loosing the part of him that he was born with. The gift his family had been granted for generations, he longed for the pull of the moon but even that was so far away.

An impossibility he didn't know how to handle, a promise he would be unable to keep.

They had broken him, he'd reached his breaking point and the person they'd left behind was no longer Peter Hale. Power hungry Alpha werewolf who had burned in a fire and killed all those responsible, no now he was just Peter.

 _Worthless; ugly, slut, pathetic, broken Peter_.

Peter who had no family, no friends, no freedom, no hope.

Whose only way out of the Echo House was in a black body bag or maybe they'd just stick him in a trash bag and throw his rotting corpse away, maybe they'd get bored and leave him in his cell to rot and conveniently forget to bring him food.

How long had it been since he last ate?

You could see his ribs, some of them were broken and others had healed crooked. He was starving, dehydrated and wanted nothing more than to be able to fall asleep somewhere warm.

The longer he spent alone in his cell the more he believed they'd tossed him aside, conveniently _forgotten_ about him and when the lights went out he was certain.

They were leaving him to die in there.

Leaving him to die in a puddle of blood, semen and wolfsbane. His wrists fractured and his ankles broken, he'd never be able to run in the grass again.

And the only thing he could think of was 'this is all my fault' because in the end it was, he may have been forced to work with Kate to take down Scott McCall but it wasn't like he wouldn't get anything out of it. 

Even if Kate had exploited his weaknesses and forced him to betray the people who had let him stay on the fringes of their pack despite their obvious dislike of him, he was getting something he always wanted out of the deal.

He could only lay there in the darkness as he _finally_ , **_finally_** was able to get some sleep.

And he hoped he wouldn't wake up again, hoped the darkness would stay with him.

He'd already died once and he preferred it over this, over living in constant pain and agony. 

He doesn't even know why he brought himself back last time, doesn't know why he fought so hard to escape the burning house when he could have just lay there and died with the rest of his family.

He didn't doubt that he would die in that cell, alone and so cold it stuck to his very bones.

Dried blood painting his body, hair and the floor along with the rancid smell of semen and wolfsbane.

He wanted to see the sky again, feel the pull of the moon, smell the fresh grass of summer and taste the brownies his nephew used to make for the pack before they burned. He wanted to reveal that he could complete the full shift just so he could feel the earth under his paws and feel the warm breeze in his fur as he ran and rolled in grass, he wanted to lay in a soft bed again and wear his favourite cashmere sweater.

He knew it was all wishful thinking though, in the end he knew he would die on the cement covered in other men's semen and his own crusted blood and tears.

Peter knew he'd die without ever seeing or feeling his wolf again, the existence he'd created when he completed the full shift was different than the one he was born with, as all werewolves have. 

He was strong, special and the only one he could ever truly _trust_.

Burning in that fire, ash and smoke destroying his lungs as fire and heat licked up his body, was where Peter Hale should have died.

Buried under the floorboards of their family home was where the power hungry Alpha werewolf should have stayed, where Peter should have stayed.

 **'Die'** the voice in his head spat 'ok' he agreed, if only he could die. If only he could end his pain and suffering, if only someone could end his pain and suffering.

He was once again plunged into a nightmare filled restlessness as tears streamed down his face, he wanted to be with his wolf again. Basking in the warmth of the sun as those he called family laughed and played around him, he wanted the grass on his skin and to be able to swim in the lake.

He wanted and yet he'd _never_ have.


	3. What pack really is.

It had been five years since Derek had taken Cora and left as soon as everything in Mexico was over, he wasn't able to stay in Beacon Hills much less take his uncle with him.

He needed time, to process his full shift, to get over Peter's recent betrayal.

Peter had fucked them over one too many times and Derek wasn't about to bring him with them to Cora's pack, he didn't understand what was going through his uncle's head, didn't understand why he couldn't just live quietly in Beacon Hills or high tail it out of there as soon as he could, didn't trust him.

It was whilst he was with his new pack that he began to understand somewhat, began to really see what was going on with his uncle.

Cora helped too, she'd spent the most time with Peter since the fire and that was saying a lot considering she was supposed to be dead for over seven years.

Living with the pack had opened Derek's eyes to the pain and suffering Peter was going through, is still going through with the loss of their family. He was the enforcer and so it was his responsibility to keep the pack safe, he would have been blaming himself for being the only one left alive and failing to protect everyone else. The Alpha had called it survivors guilt, it didn't sound like Peter but the signs were there, he knows that now.

Can see the hurt, the guilt he must have been shouldering all those years not to mention the coma.

Derek could escape the thoughts of him being the reason Kate had the information on his family, he could sleep at night and not have any nightmares.

His eyes were gold again and he'd realised that nothing that had happened with Paige or Kate was his fault, he realised that Peter didn't kill Laura on purpose.

He understood now that even if Peter had wanted to kill Laura he wouldn't have been able to do it whilst he was sane, she was his pack and he was still the enforcer so her safety was his duty. He had come to understand that Peter had every right to kill Laura and even him and Cora for leaving him alone in a place where hunters could kill him, leaving an injured pack mate just after a trauma like that.

He had learned about how werewolves go feral, realised his uncle had only done what was natural for their kind.

Well learnt more than he already knew, more than his parents and Laura had ever gotten around to tell him. He never used to need that information, he had a safe and stable pack so he was never in danger of going feral.

Leaving with Cora had shown him that what Peter had done was natural, it wasn't as bad as what he should have been and that knowledge alone made him respect the man once more.

Peter going after Scott McCall was also normal, even if Peter wasn't an Alpha anymore there was a rival Alpha on his family's ancestral lands. The very land he had been born onto, been connected to at one point, the land he had died for, been buried in and ultimately been reborn in.

Derek forgave Peter, he always would forgive Peter.

Peter was family, one of only three Hale's left in the world.

He wasn't ready to return to Beacon Hills just yet, he believed Peter would be able to look after himself for a while.

Derek knows Peter would refuse to leave Beacon Hills, he'd died for the land and there was nothing stopping him from doing it again. Despite knowing his uncle could take care of himself he couldn't help but worry, Peter was only two years older than him and he'd spent six years in a coma.

He'd spent six years re living the dying moments of their family and all Derek cared about was that he'd killed Laura in a bout of insanity, the whole event orchestrated by Kate and his nurse.

He knows now that he was wrong, knows what pack is again and knows that he'll have to leave one day to go back to Peter, he owed him that much at least.

He remembered a time he loved his uncle, maybe a little too much than he should have. Remembers a time when Peter would say he was his favourite because Peter certainly loved watching him, observing him. If you would have asked Derek why he thought Peter did that he would have told you it was because Peter was planning something but now he wasn't so sure, Peter had never manipulated him to do something that would be bad for him.

Peter was different around Derek, at the time Derek didn't understand his uncle but when Cora came back he finally saw the tip of the iceberg. 

Cora knew what Peter had done was normal for a werewolf, for someone so traumatised by the things that had happened to him. He resented Cora a little for that at the beginning, she was letting the person who killed their sister get away with it and she was acting as if everything was normal.

Now though Derek gets it.

He wishes he'd seen it sooner.

Peter was doing what was normal, just with a less sane approach to things.

Cora agreed with him, agreed that they should return to Peter even if it meant they wouldn't have a stable pack at the and of things. Peter was loyal, other people may not see that because of his fixation on killing Scott McCall but he was. If he wasn't then he would have killed Talia a long time ago, she wasn't the best sister to him and everyone in the pack knew that.

Derek got a call from an unknown number one day in winter "hello?" an unknown male voice asked through the phone when he answered "who is this?" Derek demanded confused "oh thank god Derek its Stiles, I wanted to know if you knew where Peter was," Stiles sounded relieved "how did you get this number?" Derek irately huffed not yet registering Stiles' question, the man had annoyed him back when he was a teen and he seemed the same now too.

"I have my ways Derek, always have and you know it," Derek grunted in reply, the man really did and now that he was connected with the supernatural it seemed it had only grown his connections "but that's not why I called, do you know where Peter is or not?" Stiles huffed, yep he hadn't changed "why are you asking me where he is? I thought he stayed behind in Beacon Hills," Derek had heard Scott had locked him in Eichen House at Deaton's request but Peter couldn't still be in there, he would have escaped by now.

"What do you mean? ... Five years ago we went to rescue Lydia from Eichen and I assumed Peter would take that opportunity to escape, I even went there the other day to ask and they said he wasn't at Eichen," Stiles rushed out "I assumed he was with you since no one had heard from him in years ... even my contacts can't find him," now that got Derek worried "what do you mean Stiles," Derek was holding in his anger, he managed to spit through clenched teeth "when was the last time you saw my uncle?" 

He heard the distinct sound of panic from the other side of the phone as Stiles rushed to answer "not since Deaton took him five years ago," Derek felt his heart sink, he couldn't help but feel like something bad had happened to his uncle.

"Meet me at Eichen, I'll be there as soon as I can," Derek was already packing before he'd decided to leave "CORA PACK EVERYTHING WE'RE LEAVING!" He shouted after moving the phone from his ear for a moment "what are you going to do Derek? Eichen House is a supernatural prison, getting in won't be easy for you ... not to mention Peter might not even be there," Stiles was also getting ready to head back to Beacon Hills "Stiles I want you to ask everyone who was involved in getting Lydia out if they saw Peter at the time," Derek knew Peter would have been able to get out even if he was weakened significantly.

The only possibility he could think of was that someone had stopped him from getting out, if Peter was still at Eichen and had been stricken from the records then something bad must be going on.

"Sure, I'll get right on that ... how do you know he's in Eichen Derek?" Stiles huffed annoyed "because Stiles, my uncle wouldn't leave Beacon Hills for five years. I bet you checked his bank accounts also, you wouldn't have called me if you could find something," Derek knew Stiles well enough to deduce that much "your right, he hasn't used any of his money and his apartment hadn't been paid for ... his stuff was left behind and he hasn't gone after Scott or Deaton yet," Stiles began listing everything he'd already checked.

"Do your family have any other properties?" Stiles thought of the possibility "no, they were all sold years ago. I only own the loft, Peter never bought anywhere and only stayed at his apartment when he wasn't around the loft with the pack," Derek solemnly explained, the situation was getting to seem more and more hopeless as the conversation went on and Derek hated the felling that Peter may be dead already.

"Alright I'll meet you there and tell you what I found out from the pack," Stiles hung up the phone as Cora came rushing in, she didn't know what was happening but she felt that it was important and had done what Derek asked "what's wrong? Did something happen?" Cora pulled her bags into the room behind her and looked at the grim expression on her brother's face "no one's seen uncle Peter in five years," he frowned.

Why had it taken everyone five years to realise something was wrong.

Why had it taken him five years to realise his uncle may be in trouble, may be dead and buried again only this time he wasn't coming back.

He could only hope Peter had managed to hold onto his life, had to hope nothing bad had happened to him.

"FIVE YEARS! How can no one notice something was wrong? ... How come we didn't?" Cora mumbled the last part with a dejected sigh but Derek had heard her, he agreed with her, how could they not know something was terribly wrong "Cora we need to find him, I need to know if ... if he's still alive," Derek supposes he never truly stopped loving his uncle more than he should and it was in that second he realised he may have caused the death of the person he'd loved all his life, loved more than he'd even loved Paige.

Cora must have know, must have always known how much he really loved his uncle. 

Now that he thinks about it that might be the reason Talia had hated Peter so much, why she was terrible towards him and had made his eyes turn blue so long ago.

"Come on we need to get going now if we're to make it in time to meet Stiles tomorrow," Derek wasn't about to wait around, one day could mean the difference between life and death for their uncle.

They loaded up an old four by four and left after explaining to the Alpha what was happening "will you be back?" he'd asked them "no, I think it's time we be the pack we were supposed to be. Thank you for everything Alpha," Cora had answered and he'd nodded in understanding, Derek had never really been part of the pack.

He'd been on the fringes and had realised how Peter must have felt when they had pushed him out to the fringes of their pack's, he finally got what his uncle must have been feeling without any bonds to his family or pack.

And no he didn't have any bonds to those around him, Derek knows now that Peter had never retied any of his bonds and frankly they had never let him.

Never truly trusted him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They made it into Beacon Hills early the next morning and Cora drove over to Eichen House as soon as they made it into town, everything looked the same as it always had. It unnerved Derek how nothing had changed despite him missing eleven years of its development, the pack lived here still but Stiles travelled a lot more now that he had developed his spark.

Easy money, he had said when they were talking to each other on the phone last night, Derek never expected the man to delve so deeply into the supernatural but Stiles was always too curious for his own good.

And Derek wasn't complaining this time, Stiles' magic would come in handy when they break into Eichen House to search for anything that might tell them where Peter is.

By the time she pulled up to the asylum/supernatural prison they were both relieved to see the familiar jeep Stiles always refused to get rid of, it was looking better than it used to so that was a good sign "Stiles tell us everything you know," Cora demanded as soon as they had both gotten out of the four by four "well ... only Scott saw Peter that day, he said he made sure Peter wouldn't be able to escape," Stiles wasn't as attached to the Alpha werewolf as he used to be, he wasn't even part of the pack since the nogitsune and was often just an advisor.

Derek couldn't help the scowl as he glared at Stiles, the man hadn't mentioned that Peter might still be locked up because of Scott McCall. Derek was beginning to think maybe Peter had the right idea trying to get rid of the other Alpha "what do you mean?" he demanded "well, Scott said he relocked the cell door so Peter wouldn't be able to get out ... he said Peter was too weak to run never mind find another way out," Stiles explained sheepishly, he also knew what Scott had done was wrong and couldn't help feeling it was somehow his fault.

"Do you know how to get in?" Cora changed the subject, she was just as eager to find clues on Peter's whereabouts as he was "yep, the nogitsune left some pretty detailed memories behind ... including the secret plans for Eichen House's secret level and all of its secret entrances," he tapped his head confidently and motioned to a metal grate leading into the asylum.

Without needing to be told to follow the two werewolves climbed into the pipes after Stiles and headed deep into Eichen.

It was easy, to say the least, to get into the lowest level of the prison. It was kept off of most of the plans and not many knew about it, it was mainly used for torture and the werewolves could smell the strong stench of death permeating everything around them.

There were no guards at this time, they were all on the upper levels believing intruders would have to come from that level to get to this one. Stiles unlocked the first door and Derek almost gagged, a rotting corpse was in the cell that was barely one meter in size.

It wasn't Peter and that's all they cared about, Stiles quickly shut the door and moved onto the next.

They had checked through fifty cells when they came to the last one, the creatures locked away in the cells were in bad condition or worse dead.

Some of them looked like they had been turned into human's from whatever they'd tested on them, others looked like they had been raped numerous times and others were begging for death.

None of the ones alive were in good condition and Derek almost puked at the state of some of the corpses, they even came across a couple of skeletons that had been left in their crumpled position on the floor.

It was colder the further down they got, even for a werewolf without wolfs-bane in their system the cold sent a chill through their bodies.

They were at the last cell when Derek caught onto the smell of Peter's blood, dread filled his entire being as he wrenched the door open. 

The cell was dark, like most of the others containing corpses, and he couldn't hear anything over the blood rushing through his body. Stiles used his magic to turn the light on and what they saw before them was something Derek would like to forget.

Peter was curled up and covered in blood and semen, his wounds weren't healing and wolfs-bane was dripping from the wounds along with the sluggish blood still weeping out of the gouges. He was skeletal and his bones had healed wrong, ankles and wrists broken so he wouldn't be able to get away, bruises littered the skin he could see and his nails had been pulled out. From his partially opened mouth Derek could see several missing teeth and his tongue looked like it had welts or burns on, with quick steps he approached the curled up form of the man he always thought was the strongest person he ever knew.

When he came close Peter's eyes snapped open and he tried getting away, low whines forced themselves from his damaged throat and he smelt of fear. 

The scent of fear was so potent Derek was forced to take a step back, his uncle was naked and looked like the cold was killing him but he much rather stay in the cell than go with him.

Derek's heart clenched in pain, Peter looked like he didn't recognise him. That or he was terrified of him despite knowing who he was, Derek would rather think Peter didn't recognise him that think that he was terrified of him.

He tried again, this time he was crouched down and spoke softy "come on Peter, it's ok ... I won't hurt you," but Peter only pressed himself against the wall and shook his head in dread and terror, he looked like he wanted to talk but the sounds wouldn't come out of his mouth.

He began to cry when Derek reached out to touch him, he flinched away again and Derek didn't know what to do "he's feral Derek," Cora was crying from the doorway and Stiles was dry heaving further away "Peter, come on we'll take you home," he tried again as he took off his leather jacket, he reach over when Peter didn't flinch away from him and wrapped him up in the jacket.

"Can I pick you up now, you can't walk like that," Derek reached out again, Peter looked reluctant and the fear wafting off of him was growing but he still nodded.

Derek didn't know what to do.

Peter looked so broken as he huddled into the corner away from them, as he cried or flinched from a too fast or sudden movement.

Derek felt his heart break.

Couldn't help but feel this was all his fault.


	4. Will you kill me?

Someone wrenched the door open making him flinch in the darkness, he pretended to sleep and hoped whoever it was would leave once they saw he wasn't going to wake up. 

Suddenly the light came on once again, the light meant Valack wasn't finished with him. He didn't panic though, he wanted to die and this might speed it up so all he did was lay there calmly.

He didn't recognise the scent of the person though, his sense of smell had already been damaged so that may have been the reason.

When the footsteps came close Peter's eyes snapped open and he tried getting away, low whines forced themselves from his damaged throat as he began to panic. They didn't leave after looking at his condition, they were going to rape him again, they were going to torture him.

The person took a step back, he much rather stay in the cell than go with whoever was there for him. He didn't recognise the man before him, his eyes were damaged already and after being in the dark for so long the light was blinding him further.

He once again approached but this time he was crouched down and spoke softy "come on Peter, its ok ... I won't hurt you," but Peter only pressed himself against the wall and shook his head in dread and terror, he wanted to talk, to say 'no' but the sounds wouldn't come out of his mouth. Derek had come for him, come to kill him, to finish the job they'd failed to complete when they'd sent him here.

He began to cry when Derek reached out to touch him, he flinched away again and Derek looked like he didn't know what to do "he's feral Derek," he saw Cora who was crying from the doorway and Stiles was further away dry heaving, he panicked when he realised he hadn't heard them approach "Peter, come on we'll take you home," Derek tried again as he took off his leather jacket, he reach over when Peter didn't flinch away from him and wrapped him up in the jacket.

Peter wanted to die, he shouldn't be scared that it was Derek that had come to end things. 

It was fitting in a way, Derek had killed him once before and he'd resurrected himself but this time he was going to stay dead. 

Living was too painful, he had no one left.

He never had anyone to begin with, not even before the fire. 

Talia hated him, his parents hated him, the pack hated what he'd done. 

He hated himself, hated his blue eyes and how he'd caused Derek's beautiful gold to bleed blue.

He deserved everything that was coming to him 'worthless' 'slut' 'you did this' 'just die' the voices agreed with him, they whispered to him and drowned out any other thoughts he had that may stop him from allowing Derek to take him somewhere so they could kill him.

Maybe they would let him see the sky one last time before they did, he didn't know if he wanted to stay in the cell and rot away slowly or go with Derek and see how they wanted to kill him. Maybe they'd burry him alive, burn him alive again or slash his throat and watch him choke on blood again.

The familiar leather and Derek's scent calmed him slightly but terror still ran through his body at the thought of more torture, he wanted to die so he wouldn't be in pain anymore, he didn't want to be tortured again, didn't want to be raped again.

But this was Derek, he wouldn't rape him ... would he?

Peter was suddenly so unsure and more afraid than ever, at least in the cell he knew what they'd do to him.

"Can I pick you up now, you can't walk like that," Derek reached out again, Peter was reluctant and the fear inside of him was growing but he still nodded. Derek was a better way to die than Valack, the Cyclops couldn't have him, he wouldn't let him.

He may have broken him nut he wouldn't have him, wouldn't get to kill him. No he'd already chosen Derek for that even before he'd killed him the first time, he knew he'd die at his nephew's hands for his crimes.

He thinks its a little poetic, dying at the hands of the same person more than once.

He'd decided he didn't want to die in the concrete cell, didn't want to risk Valack coming back and doing worse to him but he still flinched when Derek slipped his arm under his legs "shh it's going to be ok Peter, it's ok," Derek tried to reassure him but it only did the opposite as he curled his arm around Peter's back, Peter couldn't move his limbs much anymore.

Couldn't have struggled if Derek had decided to just drag him out instead of asking him if it was ok, wouldn't have struggled either if he's honest with himself.

He was sure he had broken bones and the cold that had managed to permeate his body was already trying to shut his body down, the only thing keeping it away was the warmth wrapped around him.

And despite knowing he was going to die he couldn't help but wish for the warmth to never leave, to keep the man wrapped around him and keep the cold at bay.

He wanted to feel the soft rub of sheets on his skin and the gentle warmth of hot water on his dirty body, he wanted to wash away the traces of Valack and all the others that had forced themselves onto him.

He wanted to see his wolf again, that thought alone made him cry in Derek's arms " ... " he let out a silent scream, he couldn't feel his wolf, he wanted to feel his wolf, wanted to run with the wind in his fur and the grass against his paws.

He might never have that again, he might have been robbed of the one thing his parents had ever given to him.

The one thing he had to hide from Talia so she didn't kill him, there was only room for one full shift werewolf in her pack.

Maybe he should have let her know, should have let her kill him when he was eight and had learnt to take the form of a real wolf so he could run through the preserve and be free for once in his life. 

If he had then none of this would have happened, Derek would still have Paige, his family would still be alive because Kate wouldn't have burned them all alive 'that's right it was all your fault' 'useless' 'you should have never been born' the voices agreed, they agreed it was all his fault, that he was better off dead.

"Shh, Peter what's wrong?" Derek cooed but it only made Peter stiffen; he didn't understand why Derek was forcing himself to act like he cared when they both knew he was going to kill Peter as soon as they got to wherever they were going.

"Derek come on we don't have long," Stiles led them out of the prison a different way to the one they had entered by, it was too small to get Peter out whilst he was in Derek's arms and he looked like he couldn't move on his own.

Despite that it was just as easy getting out as it was getting in, no one had even noticed they had taken Peter.

Stiles had turned the light off and locked the cell doors again after them so that no one would come looking for Peter, they'd think he'd died in the cell they'd left him to rot in.

Peter was determined to keep himself awake, he didn't want to be killed in his sleep without knowing who or why and so he fought with the exhaustion the gentle swaying and warmth brought him. 

He saw Cora get into the driver's side whilst Derek slipped into the back seat, reluctant to let Peter go in case the winter cold took his life without them knowing "the loft," Derek told his sister as he got comfortable with Peter still in his arms, he wanted to wash the other man's scents off of his uncle, wanted to clean away the blood and get rid of the poison so he could see the extent of the damage.

His shirt was already soaked with Peter's blood worrying Derek more than it should, Peter didn't smell like werewolf but that could be because of all the blood and poison blocking his senses.

Peter hated that he couldn't sleep, that he had to fight the drowsiness pulling at his consciousness but he'd rather be awake when they kill him. 

He wanted to ask if he could see the sky, he was too weak to lift his head from its position meaning he could only see the snow covered stone. It reminded him of his cell more than it should have, more than he was comfortable with.

Everything was too warm, it was making the trip blur together as he lost track of time and just obediently stayed as still as possible.

Sometime during the drive Derek had begun rubbing up his cold arm unconsciously, Peter had stiffened more and just let him, he was too weak to stop him anyway and his voice didn't work so he couldn't tell him to stop touching him and hope he would listen instead of hitting him.

He felt dirty, he didn't want anyone touching him, not again.

Derek's touch made him want to vomit, it was worse than when he'd held him on their way out, it felt too intimate for comfort.

He could feel the fluids dripping out of his hole, he didn't know if it was blood, semen or the poisonous concoction Valack had created.

Maybe it was all of it, all the things they'd poured inside him.

He couldn't help but squirm at the repulsive feeling, Derek stopped rubbing his arm and harshly squeezed it instead. Peter could feel his bones giving way under the pressure and couldn't help the whimper bubbling at the back of his throat, he didn't understand what he'd done to anger him, to make Derek hurt him but he knew he deserved it. 

He always deserved it "Derek stop it ... you're hurting him," Cora glanced into the back and raised her voice causing Peter to flinch harshly, Derek let go of his arm and Peter managed to fall backwards away from the stronger man, afraid he'd be hurt again.

"Shit Peter come back over here, you'll get hurt," Derek tried to pull him back by his wrist casing tears to well up in Peter's eyes once more, his shattered wrist causing pain to shoot through his body and a loud yelp escaped his mouth involuntarily.

Derek pulled back and Peter curled up at the other side of the car, a dark purple bruise already forming on his arm and the swelling on his wrist getting worse not moments later.

Peter pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them causing the jacket to slip off of him, he didn't care as he lay his head on his knees and cried.

He didn't want to be sat on the old leather seats of the four by four Derek had settled him into, didn't want to feel so dirty.

Didn't want to always be in pain, the only smell his own blood and poison seeping out of sluggishly healing wounds.

He wanted to sleep in a bed of moss and grass in summer or spring but they'd found him in winter so he would never see the roses that grew in the preserve again nor would he smell the lilies and herbs that would still grow around the old house, he'd never be able to hunt game by his favourite lake deep in the preserve where the pack never went.

He wanted to see the sky again, the cloudless blue of spring and the orange hues of sunset.

Would they let him feel the pull of the moon again? When was the next full moon? How long had he been in that place for? 

He wanted to feel the full moon again, feel his wolf stir under his skin and force claws out of his fingers.

Wanted to feel his teeth rip into flesh, wanted to eat meat again.

He'd never have that, not anymore 'whore' 'you don't deserve anything' 'you should just die' the voices declared 'I'm trying' he thought back to them, to the only things that were truthful to him 'kill yourself' they tempted and Peter had to admit he hadn't thought of that.

Why was he waiting for someone else to kill him when he could easily just slit his throat or take a bottle of pills? He could control how and where he died and nothing would be out of his control again, he could do that, had to do that before Derek or Cora tortured him.

Stiles wouldn't torture him, he trusted Stiles and the man had looked like he was truly worried about him.

Too bad Stiles had left him with Derek, left him to his fate.

When the car came to a stop Peter couldn't help the fear that welled up inside of him once again, the loft was isolated and there was nothing stopping Derek from torturing him when they got inside.

His tears came out faster when he heard the door open and felt Derek reach over, thinking the man would grab him again he jerked away and ended up falling down behind the passenger seat. Everything hurt but he didn't want to move, moving meant he'd be in more pain than he was already whilst sitting in the awkward position he'd ended up in.

"Peter," Derek grit out between clenched teeth frightening Peter, he'd made him angry again and he didn't know why. He whimpered at his harsh tone and tried to stop the tears, maybe that was why he was angry, he brought his less damaged hand to his mouth and pressed down to will the sounds escaping from it to stop.

His action only seemed to anger Derek further as he reached over again, Peter couldn't help the flinch and ended up hitting his head on the door behind him in his panic to avoid the hand. He was able to stifle the pained yelp this time but the werewolf certainly heard it, his expression looked thunderous and Peter was shaking without realising it "Derek stop it, go be angry inside before you do something to scare him further," Cora seethed, she was angry with him too he just knew it. 

He wanted to go back to his cell, back to the darkness that comforted him and reminded him no one was there. Reminded him that he was alone because being alone meant nothing would hurt him, he reached over and grabbed the leather jacket with much difficulty and brought it to his nose in comfort.

It reminded him of when Derek was still family, when he let him join the pack even if it was only at the fringes and no the actual pack.

Peter didn't want to look up at the man anymore, didn't want to see his expression of disgust or anger.

Terror and sobs wracked his body as he heard the door across from him open and he flinched again when it slammed closed, he didn't like the loud sounds they made.

It reminded him too much of Valack and how he had played on his sensitive hearing, he'd popped his eardrum several times before it stopped healing and he was left half deaf.

He felt the door behind him open and cold air hit his already cold skin "W-will yo-u k-ki-kill m-me?" Peter spoke for the first time in a long time, his throat must have begun healing again but he still felt it tear as he forced the words out.

Derek stiffened when he heard the broken voice "no Peter, we're here to help you," Cora sobbed and Derek reached out to touch the man curled up on the floor of the four by four "lets get you cleaned up Peter," when he didn't pull away Derek lifted him into his arms again and headed inside, he was too light and cold in his arms and it begun to sink in that his uncle may never get better.

It was possible he would succumb to his wounds, he could only hope that wasn't the case.


	5. Please trust me.

Derek managed to carry Peter up to the loft without too much trouble from Peter, he was still sniffling slightly thanks to the dull throbbing in the back of his head when he'd managed to hit it against the car door.

Cora was right behind them and Peter has never been more grateful to see her, she didn't seem as angry with him as Derek did.

Derek looked around the dusty loft and was reminded that he hadn't been there in five years, Peter was injured and it looked like his advanced healing wasn't working as well as it should so he turned to Cora "could you quickly clean the bathroom ... and call Stiles to help, he should be here with a way to get rid of the wolfs-bane they used on him," Derek didn't want to put Peter down in the dusty loft so got Cora to clean the bathroom first, she rushed up the stairs to make sure it was clean with her phone already calling Stiles.

Derek looked at the still cowering Peter and could only sigh in sorrow "alright Derek it's ready," Cora called down to him without being too loud, he looked to Peter but the man looked as if he hadn't even heard her which worried him somewhat "Stiles is on the way now, he has everything he needs," she finished causing Derek to sigh in relief, he moved towards the bathroom with Peter securely in his arms "can you sort the bed out for him? The one in my room," he asked her as he passed to the bathroom.

She only nodded in understanding and headed off to clean up the bedroom.

Cora understood how he felt for their uncle, she wasn't repulsed like their mother was and she seemed to understand it in a way. She understood that he would want to be with Peter during this time, the time that could very well be his last moments on this earth.

The thought that he might not make it broke his heart but this was Peter they were talking about, he'd resurrected himself once before and he won't waste the second chance at life he'd taken for himself.

At least he thought he wouldn't.

This Peter, bleeding in his arms, was so different than any of the past Peter's he knew that it was hard to see they were the same person, this Peter was clutching Derek's leather jacket like it was a lifeline even though it most definitely hurt him to move his hands like he was, Derek was actually impressed he could still use them like he was considering they were broken at the least.

He entered the bathroom to see a bath of hot water already in for Peter, he carful placed him onto the counter beside the sink and crouched down to check to water temperature, Cora had made sure it wasn't too hot but also not cold so Peter wouldn't be uncomfortably without his enhanced werewolf-ness.

Deeming in ok he turned back round to Peter who hadn't taken his cautious gaze away from him, he saw the bruise he'd made and couldn't help the frown but that made Peter tense so he had to try and sort out his expression "Peter is it ok if I help you clean your wounds," in actuality Derek just wanted to wash the other men's scents off of his uncle, Peter shook his head in denial and Derek could smell the panic again.

Derek sighed but he heard a small knock on the door and turned to see who it was, Stiles was on the other side with a slight smile on his face "Cora said you could do with some help," he motioned over Derek's shoulder, he turned to look at Peter to see him looking at Stiles without the caution he'd looked at him and Cora with "ok, I'll go help Cora," Derek was about to leave "no," when Peter stopped him.

Peter wanted Derek with him and yet he was terrified of the other man torturing him, Derek had said he wouldn't kill him so he was sceptical of the man's motives but he deemed him somewhat safe, well at least when he was around Stiles.

Stiles pulled him back in and closed the door "Peter, Derek's going to put you in the bath ok?" Stiles walked up to Peter and lightly touched his shoulder, Peter still flinched but didn't pull away making Derek's mood sour.

After Peter's nod of affirmation Derek picked him back up and settled him into the water, Peter hissed when the water touched his wounds "are you alright? Do you want to keep going?" Derek softly asked, when Peter nodded he set him completely in the tub. 

His leather jacket was already placed aside by Peter so that it didn't get wet, Stiles crouched down next to Derek and took a cloth "this will hurt Zombiewolf," Stiles spoke as he wet the cloth, the water already turning pink from the blood.

Peter nodded once again as Stiles gave Derek the cloth and got up to get another one, Derek worked on the tattered flesh of Peter's back. Bone was exposed in some places and the wolfs-bane was weeping out around the flesh, other parts were infected already and spewing puss when the skin tried to knit together. Derek was slightly relieved when he saw that, it meant Peter was still a werewolf and would eventually get his enhanced healing back.

"I think we need to call Deaton," Stiles stated when they were almost done cleaning what they could see, Peter tensed at the mention of the vet and Derek couldn't help but agree with him "no," Peter begged, his throat was still damaged and Derek could see the stain that one word put onto it, it had probably tore the barely healed parts again "we're not calling Deaton, do you know anyone else?" Derek stated sternly and Stiles nodded in understanding "I only have Chris left and I wasn't sure you'd appreciate that," Peter seemed less reluctant about Chris helping him than Deaton so Derek had to push aside his obvious dislike of the man and agree.

"I'll go make some calls," Stiles had only mentioned needing help after seeing the extent of Peter's wounds which, even when cleaned, weren't getting any better "Peter I need to clean inside," Derek told him once Stiles was gone, he didn't want his uncle to not allow him to make sure the wolfs-bane was out of his insides whilst Stiles was there.

As expected Peter shook his head franticly in denial "Peter it's ok, I just need to get the wolfs-bane out," he tried explaining "I ca-an d-o it," Peter panicked but Derek knew the older man wouldn't be able to do it properly in the condition he was in "it's ok Peter it needs to be done, either let me do it or Stiles and Chris will," that seemed to get his attention.

Peter would much rather have his nephew do it than an Argent and Stiles, he nodded his head and Derek helped him into a better position.

Derek rubbed at the entrance softly, feeling the torn ring of muscles "are you ready?" he knew Peter would never be ready for something like this but he had to ask, he wouldn't do anything Peter didn't want to do but this was important so when he got the nod he wanted he gently pushed a finger into his entrance and was instantly met with the slimy feeling of semen and congealed blood, when Peter stiffened and the muscled squeezed his finger he took to soothing the older man "relax Peter, I won't do anything bad to you ... I just need to make sure this is out ok?" 

Peter nodded and tried to relax, he was on his knees with his arms over the edge of the other side of the tub, partially submerged in the water so whatever came out of him is washed away and not stuck to his skin or in his wounds.

When the muscles relaxed Derek moved his finger in deeper, once he got to the last knuckle he pulled out again.

He repeated the process slowly, pulling some of the liquids out when he did, before he carefully added another finger. He was met with some resistance but the already torn muscle didn't tear anymore, Peter was crying but Derek couldn't stop now, he had to do this before they both bottled out of it. Doing that would only cause more harm than good for Peter, he pushed the second finger in beside the first and inched them in slowly.

The tight ring of muscles clenched down on his fingers and he couldn't help getting slightly angry at the sight of the liquids seeping out, he was once again reminded of his inadequacy and had to force the raging emotions down. Peter needed him to be there, needed him to help him heal and for once Derek found he hated the way he used anger to anchor himself and his wolf. 

He carefully stretched the hole until a third could fit in then began scraping the liquids out of Peter, clots of blood fell out first and after that it was like a never ending stream of semen and wolfs-bane. He only had to hold the entrance open and angle Peter so he was sat up slightly for it all to come sliding out "just a little more Peter, bear with me for a little longer," he cooed softly and began using the water in the tube to clean the hole.

When he was sure there was nothing left inside he took his fingers out and helped Peter out of the soiled water into a towel, he saw a cream Stiles had left and knew what it was for "we just have to put some cream inside ok Peter?" he told him as he emptied the water out and helped Peter onto the floor, he seemed reluctant but allowed Derek to arrange him on his knees on the floor.

His arse was angled up and he was hit with the revolting memories of Valack and the guards, he had to hold in his terror and telling himself that the person was Derek and he was helping him worked to calm him down again. Fresh tears were already falling from his eyes but the reassuring weight on his hip from Derek's hand grounded him "shh it's ok Peter ... I've got you, you're safe with me," hearing those words Peter desperately wanted to believe them, wanted to feel safe again for the first time in eleven years.

Derek made sure two of his fingers were coated in the cream before working them back into Peter's hole, the man was more relaxed when Derek had his hand on his hip so he didn't remove it and instead began rubbing reassuring circles into the harsh jut of his hipbone.

He finished applying the cream quicker than cleaning and saw Cora waiting outside the door, he opened it to see her with some clothes for Peter.

A pair of Derek's boxers and the cashmere sweater Peter had left one time were in her hands, the sweater would be big on Peter now but it would be better for his wounds for it not to be tight. Underneath them were a pair of Derek's pyjama bottoms, blue plaid and definitely too big on his smaller uncle but the drawstrings would allow him to tighten them "thank you Cora, what has Stiles said?" Derek asked after looking back at Peter to make sure he was still ok on the counter.

"Here, he said to use this on the external wounds ... then use this and bandage everything up. You need to re break any bones that were healed wrong too," he noticed the first aid kit Cora had at her feet and the balm Stiles had made in her hands "Chris will be here tomorrow to help get rid of anything that he was forced to ingest," she turned to leave and he noticed she was about to change the sheets so he left her to it.

He turned to Peter after collecting everything but he seemed to have not heard their conversation, Derek worried about his senses sometimes and could only hope they would grow back.

Chris and Stiles would be able to sort his mouth and throat out tomorrow along with his ears and eyes so he didn't worry too much, Stiles knew magic after all and Chris knew wolfs-bane. 

Peter would get better.

He was sure of it.

"Peter I'm going to have to re break some of your bones," Derek told him when he got close and Peter flinched "they healed wrong," he pointed to one of the ribs that had obviously healed completely wrong and had to wait for Peter's approval, when he nodded in understanding Derek got to work.

First he cleaned the wounds with the thing Cora had told him to use first then he put a thick layer of Stiles cream on top before beginning to break the bones that needed realigning and checking for which bones were already broken, he bandaged the cuts and gashes before binding the broken bones tightly.

He carefully shaved the long matted beard on Peter's face and cut his hair to an acceptably length, Peter was more scared of the scissors and razor than he was when Derek was breaking his bones.

Peter looked like he was getting used to the idea of having Derek touch him like this, gently and without the intent to harm but he was still tense and cautious. Derek liked that Peter was trusting him to help, even if he really had no choice but to, soon most of his body was bandaged up in nothing but white. The bleeding had stopped and he'd cut away some of the bad infections before cleaning them "come on I'll help you into these and them you can sleep," Derek stated when he saw Peter's drooping eyelids.

He stood between Peter's legs and pulled his arms around his neck "hold on," he told him and he lifted him off of the counter so his feet were just above the floor, he pulled one leg up by the upper thigh and slipped his leg into one hole then nudged it to wrap around his waist before doing the same to the other one "arms now," he moved his hands from Peter's thighs when he was sure he had a solid grip and took the sweater.

After getting bother arms in he pulled it over his head and pulled it down his torso "put them back, just the bottoms now," he coaxed the sleepy man, Peter looked exhausted and after the day he'd had Derek couldn't blame him so after pulling the bottoms up and tying the drawstrings he carried Peter to his bedroom.

The thought of having Peter in his bed made Derek happier than it should have if he's being honest with himself, even if the man was only sleeping Derek was excited at the prospect. 

He'd be able to sleep in the same room as Peter at the least so when he settled him into bed he asked "can I sleep in the bed with you or do you want me to sleep somewhere else?" Peter looked slightly startled and was more awake after that but he was calm "here," he managed to croak out and he shuffled over in the double bed so he was in the middle instead.

Derek pulled off his jeans and t-shirt before climbing into bed, he was hesitant to touch Peter at first but the knowledge that the werewolf had only been touched in bad ways for five years made him shuffle over and pull Peter closer by his waist, Peter stiffened slightly but relaxed into the hold after a little while.

His head was buried in Derek's chest as he rubbed soothing circles on the exposed flesh of his hip under the sweater, he was too thin but Stiles had mentioned that they needed to get rid of any ingested wolfs-bane before he could eat anything.

Chris would be at the loft tomorrow, Derek could only drift off after he was sure Peter was asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter pretended to sleep as he waited for Derek to fall asleep, it was hard not to fall asleep when the ach in his bones from the cold was gone and the pain of his wounds and hole were nothing but a dull throb when he moved. The mattress underneath him and the clothes he was wearing had no scent on them but the slight smell of dust but he knew that only the sweater was his, he didn't trust Derek like he should but that's because he couldn't quite believe what was happening.

The weight of Derek's hand and the comforter were reassuring and for some reason Derek's touch didn't repulse him as much anymore, maybe it was because he was clean now but the voices wouldn't leave him alone.

In the dark as Derek slept he heard the man mumble in his sleep "Peter ... please trust me," and Peter couldn't help but smile a little, even in sleep he was being nice to him but was it genuine?

Peter wasn't sure but he knew he could trust the man whilst he slept, Stiles and Cora were here after all.

Right?

And so he closed his eyes and allowed himself the luxury of sleep, in a bed, with family, someone who liked him, whether they were faking it or not.

It may be the last time he's able to after all.


	6. My family, my nightmare.

Peter had always had nightmares; when he was young he'd have them of his parents, his father used to beat him and he's sure the rest of the pack knew it but were afraid to disobey the Alpha, he'd have one more often than the others of when his father would whip him with a whip coated in wolfs-bane. He was never good enough for the man no matter what he'd do, it was always Talia that they loved and adored.

The worst though had to be the time he was hiding from his mother; he had ripped one of Talia's tops accidently and she had told their mother, by this point in time he'd learnt how to hide from a werewolf but their mother was an Alpha, unlike their father she was the Hale of the family and he had taken her name. 

She had found him anyway and had dragged him down to the basement where his father was waiting with a mountain ash whip, he'd been unable to move for days even with his werewolf healing so he was tough and wouldn't flinch if he took a beating.

That was the reason he had hidden his full shift from them; Talia had completed it at eighteen, a while before he was even born, and he had managed it at eight but telling them would make them want to get rid of him for good.

They would have killed him in his sleep and buried his body out in the preserve, he loved his wolf and the freedom he had when he shifted.

Then when they were dead and Talia was Alpha he'd have nightmares of the day she declared him her enforcer; she had taken him out and made him kill a child, he was an Argent and hunter in training, Chris' cousin he thinks, that's how he'd gotten his blue eyes, she'd told him the enforcer had to have blue eyes and that she wouldn't have her brother being useless.

He'd learnt how to fight, how to kill without emotion and eventually he was stronger than his Alpha, Talia hadn't liked that just like she didn't like how Derek and Cora loved him and were the only ones in the pack to treat him as an equal.

He was fourteen when he decided to move out of the house, their parents had been dead three years but the treatment he'd been subject to from the pack and his family was still the same. 

It was just psychological instead of the usual physical, Derek and Cora never saw what the pack was like and Peter was happy keeping them in the dark thinking they had a loving family and pack.

The fire was one of his worst nightmares, the smell or burning flesh and the sound of the pack's dying screams still seem so real when he closes his eyes.

At one time he was afraid to go to sleep, just like he was afraid of going down to the basement whilst his parents were alive but he had to suck it up. Had to pretend everything was alright because Derek was still alive, the last Hale left breathing after he'd ripped Laura apart for Kate and that nurse.

Then Cora came along and Kate threatened to have her killed if he didn't cooperate with her, he had no choice but to accept what she said as he didn't have a pack to back him up. His only surviving family despised him for killing Laura but he was ok with that, he was used to the looks thrown his way because in the end he had grown up with that.

Eichen House is his nightmare now, he sees Talia and their parents there in the room whilst he's tortured.

Sees the glee in his father's eyes when Valack carts him off to another room where he'll be raped and passed around.

But that's ok too, he deserves it all in the end.

Now instead of their screaming as they burn, his pack scream at him 'it's all your fault' and 'why did you have to survive?' as they burn, they ridicule him in the same basement his childhood nightmares took place.

They were always disappointed in him, they didn't even want him, they wished he was never born. He'd heard them whispering behind his back, he'd used snark and intelligence to hide behind like a mask so no one knew just how broken he really was.

Now he just wants to die, to end it all and make the last of his family happy with his death.

He can't think of any other way they'll all forgive him.

His mask is finally off, his true self laid bare for Derek and Cora to see.

Derek was angry at him because of it, he knows that he is.

He blames him for everything that's happened to their family, to Paige and Peter accepts that. Accepts it was all his fault, even the voices agree with him.

He was shook awake by a grip far too tight causing a whimper to slip from his still mangled throat, the grip loosened and he opened his eyes to the early winter sunlight streaming through the curtains.

He'd slept through the night and yet he felt more exhausted now than before "Peter it's ok ... you're ok," Derek tried, Peter doubted that but Derek sounded so sincere he almost fell for his trap.

He couldn't fall for it, not again. Talia had done the same thing after their parents were dead, she'd told him everything was ok and that he'd be ok but things never got better.

'You deserved it' 'worthless' 'slut' 'why are you still alive' 'die,' they agreed with him, Talia and the pack had agreed that it was all his fault. They had all died because he was born, he was born even though they didn't want him.

"Peter come on I need to redo the bandages and you need another bath so the wounds don't get infected," Derek took him to the bathroom, Peter's ankles hadn't been broken too bad and had already healed now that some of his enhanced healing was back, he could walk there himself. 

Didn't want Derek touching him, he felt sick again when he did.

It was all so confusing, being comfortable and allowing the lies to seep in like they were the truth as he was comforted by Derek, being disgusted when he was touched and flinching at the slightest movement or loud noise because he was terrified and cautious like it was all a trap so he'd let his guard down again.

After Derek had done everything he needed to do Peter was more inclined to the latter opinion, he was dressed in some more of Derek's clothes and this time they smelt of Derek instead of the dusty smell the others had. Whilst he was waiting in the bathroom for Derek to come back from getting changed he pulled the leather jacket from the other day on top of his turtle neck sweater, something about smelling like Derek made him feel like he had pack again.

The sweater was not Derek's, he was sure of that, but it was baggy and soft so it might have belonged to him before he was locked away.

He knew he was at least part feral, knew he was cautious and repulsed by the majority of touches anyone tried to give him. He knew why it was, he had never been touched in a loving and caring way, even as a child he was beat by his father and ignored by his mother. Talia wasn't much better, he'd never been scent marked or ran on the full moon as a pack.

He'd had to learn control all on his own, had to make sure his control was iron tight so he didn't lash out when they beat him, so they didn't have another reason he beat him.

He was hungry, thirsty and still felt dirty.

The pain was dull and his healing was focusing on mending the broken bones rather than the torn flesh or his mouth, it was hard to breath sometimes with how torn up his throat was but he wouldn't tell them that. 

The bruises were just as bad, if not worse, than yesterday and the turtle neck covered the hand shaped ones around his neck. Hiding them was easy but forgetting about them wasn't, it was like the time Derek had slashed his throat open.

He would still get phantom pains even now, he'd feel his throat close up as if he was choking on his own blood again but it was only in his head. He used to wake up with his hands clawing at his throat as he tried to suck air into his lungs, he'd have nightmares about that day too.

The day he burned again, when his nephew slit his throat as he choked of smoke.

Peter couldn't disagree when the voices told him he should have died in the basement; whether it was when he was eight and being beat by his father, when he was being 'trained' by Talia to be enforcer, when the house was set alight with them all locked inside or when he was choking on his own blood with Derek hovering over him.

Derek came into the bathroom and Peter jumped in surprise, he hadn't heard him approach until he was directly in front of him "hey what's wrong?" he tried but Peter only shook his head and eased his way off of the counter onto his bare feet, Derek tried to stop him but he flinched away making the other man back up slightly with a frown on his face.

Peter knew he couldn't do anything right, he'd made him angry again.

He headed for the door slowly and heard Derek trailing behind him at a slight distance, his hands were better than the other day also so he could turn the handle without much trouble.

As they passed the bedroom he saw a box of his old stuff and couldn't help his curiosity, he headed inside and knelt beside the box which was opened slightly. He dug through the clothes and found an old locked box which had been made of Nemeta wood, he remembered being given the box and its contents by his grandparents who died when he was four.

They were the only ones to show him some form of love other than Derek and Cora, they tried to stop his parents but only made it worse so had to back off, they were the closest he had to a real pack.

He'd hidden it from his family for so many years that it had managed to survive the fire without any damage, he's glad it hadn't been thrown away or destroyed in his absence.

Opening the box was easy for him, it was made so other werewolves wouldn't be able to open it without the correct knowledge, he'd opened it so many time in the past that it was as easy as breathing now.

It opened with a click and revealed the wool blanket his grandmother had made him, it had faded over the years but was still the same shade of blue as his natural eyes paired with the white of his wolf. He put the box back into the box of clothes and got back up, he wrapped the blanket around him and felt safe again.

The voices were suddenly quiet and the last vestiges of terror and panic were washed away, Derek sucked in a large breath obviously shocked but Peter couldn't bring himself to care as he headed for the stairs with the blanket firmly in his grasp.

It easily covered his entire body and he'd bunched it up slightly so it wouldn't drag on the floor, descending the stairs was harder than he thought but he refused to let Derek help him, he didn't want the panic to return so soon.

There was no on else around but the loft had been cleaned sometime when he was asleep, he still couldn't smell anything beyond that of a normal human but he guessed it would smell of Stiles and Cora at the least. Instead of sitting on the couch he headed straight for the window where a wooden chair was pushed over to it, it must have been moved when they were cleaning and not put back but Peter wasn't complaining. It was either the window or the staircase tot he roof, he wanted to see the sky again even if it wasn't the summer sky so he sat on the chair and brought his knees up to his chest.

He was angled so he could see out of the window, his head was on his arms which were wrapped around his legs and the blanket covered everything but his head. He reached back and pulled it up over his head but made sure he could still see out of the window, there were no clouds in the sky but it was the familiar cold blue he remembered from the winter's he'd been around for.

Snow had piled up in the abandoned industrial area of Beacon Hills, it hardly ever snowed in Beacon Hills and he wished he could run in it. 

Feel the cold, hard earth under his paws and taste the fresh water from the streams and lakes. He was startled from his thoughts by a heavy hand on his shoulder, he flinched away from the hand and almost fell from his chair "shit," he didn't recognise the man's voice making him panic and pull the blanket around him further in hoped that it will stop him from wanting to hurt him, they always wanted to hurt him "Peter it's alright, it's just me and Chris," Derek tried soothing him but the words didn't register over his hammering heartbeat, he flinched away as Derek's hand came near and this time he did fall.

He curled up under the blanket as he shook in fear, tears were already falling from his eyes when he remembered that crying angered Derek. He covered his moth with his hands and tried stifling the whimpers and strangled sobs to no avail, he'd done it again. he'd angered Derek and the other man 'worthless' the loud voices shouting in his mind came back despite hiding under the blanket and he couldn't help but cry more.

Everything was muted as his mind got louder and louder with words of scorn and ridicule, he wanted it all to stop, wanted to be able to end it all but he couldn't. He couldn't kill his wolf, he couldn't do it himself but he could let someone else do it.

Peter wanted to die but he didn't want to be in pain, he wanted to go peacefully as he looked into his killer's eyes but knew that wouldn't happen. He didn't understand why they were pretending to like him, why they were tolerating him and soothing him.

Was it because they found his crying and flinching annoying? 

Did they hate the noise and space and air he took up?

Maybe they just wanted him to sit there and let them do as they wished before they killed him, but Derek said he didn't want to kill him.

Are they lying to him?

Trying to get him to let his guard down so they can strike when he least expects it?

Do they want to rip away whatever happiness he will find from their comfort?

"Peter," Derek grit out through clenched teeth and Peter heard the voices say 'see you made him angry' 'pathetic' 'useless' making him stiffen up under the blanket, his uncontrollable sobs shaking his body every now and then sending dread down his spine at the thought of being hit for moving, he couldn't control it and when he felt a hand grab at his blanket he couldn't stop the whimpers of panic as he clutched it back.

"Derek I thought we've already had this conversation, get your fucking temper under control," Cora raised her voice making him push further against the wall, he just wanted to run away and curl up under something where they couldn't reach him.

So that's what he did, he tightened his grip on the blanket and bolted for the stairs "PETER!" he heard several different voices yell for him and heard their footsteps moments later but he was quicker as he ascended the stairs and found the spare room, he threw himself onto the floor and crawled under the bed.

He'd opened his wounds up again and knocked some of his broken ribs but he didn't care, he was safe under the bed and that's all that mattered.

As he peaked out from under the blanket and the bed he saw four pairs of shoes come rushing into the room, he ducked his head back under his blanket and curled up against the wall at the head and side of the bed leaving only two ways for them to possibly reach for him from.

He was crying again but he didn't try quieting them this time, he was safe where he was, safe under the bed like he was when he hid from his father. They never pulled him out from under the bed, the bed was his safe space and it always had been.

The sound of people kneeling on the cold floor made him stiffen up and press further into the wall "Peter please come out, we need to get rid of whatever you were forced to ingest so you can eat something," Stiles cooed softly, Peter didn't want to eat, eating means he'll live longer than he wants to "no," he declared but refused to look out from under the blanket.

It was the sound of shuffling that got him to look out and he was frightened to see Derek coming closer, he crawled over to the bottom of the bed and got ready to bolt again but felt a firm grip around his waist "NO!" He tried to dislodge the arms but he had to nails to claw and he was too weak to pry them away, the touch was making him want to puke and that's what he did.

Bile and blood came out of his mouth and splashed onto the floor, missing the blanket and his feet as he was being held up above the floor by the arms around him.

Derek came over and tried to calm him again "shh it's alright Peter, come here ... I've got you," he took him from the other man's arms and pulled his legs to wrap around his waist, Peter gripped the front of his t-shirt and buried his face into it to hide his crying, crying angered Derek after all and he wanted him to keep holding him a little while longer "shh everything's ok," he cooed as they made their was back downstairs.

Derek settled onto the couch and manoeuvred Peter so he was in his lap, he was sat sideways on his lap with his legs on the couch and his body covered with the blanket, the loft was too cold even with his sweater and jacket on but Derek was warm beneath him.

He managed to stop crying when Derek's hand found his hip under his clothes and began rubbing soothing circles on the exposed skin there, he finally noticed that the other man was Christopher Argent.

The man was looking at Peter contemplatively, he looked like he didn't recognise the Peter before him or didn't believe that what was happening was real.

"Chris do you have what I asked you to bring?" Stiles came in from the kitchen with Cora and a box of herbs, Peter recognised the ones for healing and detoxifying wolfs-bane but some of them were unfamiliar.

Not wanting to get into trouble for interfering with what they were doing he snuggled into Derek's neck cautiously as he tried to get warm, the bone deep chill from the time he'd spent in the Echo House wouldn't go away and his healing wasn't helping so this was all he could do. He stopped abruptly when he heard an odd sound coming from Derek's throat, he didn't tense up when he realised it was only a rumble on contentment.

Realising he'd done something right he carried on snuffling the other man's neck with his nose and breathed in his scent, he felt the hand on his hip tighten and he realised he'd been moving around too much. He remembered how Derek had hated that in the car so he stopped and tensed, eyes clenched shut as he prepared for the hit that never came.

When he was confident enough he opened his eyes again and looked up at Derek, he had a blush spread over his cheeks and his other hand pressed to his mouth, Peter couldn't help but move as he wanted to get a closer look. A hard object poked at his thigh when he moved and he stiffened again this time in panic, he knew what that was and he didn't want it. 

He was about to scramble off Derek's lap when he pulled him closer "I won't do anything Peter, trust me ... just stay still for me," Peter relaxed back into his chest and placed his nose in the crook of his neck, Derek could be trusted especially with three other people in the room with them.

He liked the soft reassuring heartbeat beside his ear, the comforting warmth around him, the slight pressure of the hand gripping his hip so he stayed close but loose enough that he could move away whenever he wanted to, Derek's scent on him and filling his nose every time he breathes.

Derek wasn't going to hurt him again was he?

No, he wasn't.

He was sure.


	7. I’m not angry at you.

As Peter relaxed into Derek's hold he felt his newly opened wounds stop bleeding again, the other three occupants were moving around the kitchen hurriedly as they mixed several herbs with water in hopes they got the right strands for the detoxification.

Peter didn't want to eat but he was hungry, he did want a drink of water though but apparently that would dilute the 'medicine' they were making for him, Derek was rubbing his hip in a soothing motion as Peter tried synchronising his breathing to the other man's. Normally Peter's breathing was shallow and ragged because of his torn throat, which he'd made worse earlier, but when he breathed the same way Derek did it eased the pains in his throat until they were bearable.

He let his heartbeat sync with Derek's as he started to drift off again, sleep was the only thing his body wanted to do but sleeping was painful. In his sleep he would feel the pain all over again, he'd be reminded of what everyone had ever done to him.

It didn't feel that long since he fell asleep but it must have been a while, he was laid on the couch alone when he shot up with his fingers around his neck gasping for air.

Derek came rushing over at his sudden movement but Peter didn't care, he couldn't breath and he was choking on blood that wasn't there anymore. He'd dreamed of when Derek had slashed his throat so when the other man went to grab the hands at his throat he flinched away in panic, he already couldn't breath, he didn't need Derek slashing his throat and making it all worse.

Large gulps of air were forced down his throat as he tried to even his breathing back out, he knew from experience that it wouldn't work though and he felt the black spots enter his vision as he clawed with nail-less fingers at his throat in panic.

A hand forced his head into a solid chest and he could hear the panicked heartbeat beneath his ear, he removed his hands and clutched at the persons shirt as he listened to the heartbeat. He felt the slow rise and fall of his chest and unconsciously synced his breathing to match the rise and fall under his hand and ear, he calmed quickly and his vision returned to normal as he slumped against the person.

The shirt smelled of Derek and the arms around his body was grounding, he relaxed again and his eyelids felt heavy as the warmth from Derek's body enveloped him.

His back softly met the couch again and he realised Derek was on top of him, the man was looking at him worriedly as he pulled the blanket back up to his neck and laid his body on top of Peter's. His arms kept the majority of his weight off of Peter but there was just enough on him to ground him, Peter was grateful Derek had been the one to find him when he woke up and couldn't breath "are you ok Peter?" he frowned and lowered onto Peter further, Peter didn't feel repulsed or panicked and he didn't know if that was because of the many layers of fabric between them or if it was because he trusted Derek more than he originally thought.

Peter only nodded as he felt his eyelids flutter closed again, unwilling to let go of the shirt in his grasp in case he had another nightmare and woke up alone again. He heard Derek sigh and shift around to get comfortable without crushing Peter or knocking his still broken ribs, he felt both of Derek's arms come up near his head and felt the man's nose in the crook of his neck above the fabric of his sweater.

He seemed frustrated when he couldn't reach Peter's skin passed the turtleneck, Peter felt him move his hand and grab the collar then pull the loose fabric aside before burying his nose in the exposed flesh.

Surprisingly Peter wasn't repulsed or panicked at Derek's bold actions, the warm breath on his neck as the man greedily gulped in his scent reassured him so he turned his head to the side to give him better access.

Derek only rumbled in content as Peter felt himself drift off to sleep again, he wanted to dream of summer and running instead of dying and pain.

With Derek there his wish was granted, he smelt the summer heat in the air and felt the soft earth shift under him when he stood. He was on a hill of grass and flowers with four white paws holding him up, looking around he saw he was alone, just how he liked things, and the sky was a brilliant blue without a cloud in sight. Heat enveloped him and when he shook out his fur he felt the slight breeze as it carried with it the scent of lake water, he flopped down and rolled down the small grass hill, relishing in the feel of the grass and flowers as they brushed in his fur,

When he came to a stop at the bottom of the hill he stood once again and headed for the lake not even five meters away, without hesitation he plunged into the cool water and dived under before quickly resurfacing and paddling over to the bank to shake his fur out. He look a gulp of the heavenly water and then took off into the trees on his right, dry earth gave way under the powerful beat of his paws as he ran and ran. 

His fur drying with the breeze and the air created from how fast he was running, he ran and jumped and rolled in the grass in bliss for hours before returning to the lake. The orange and pink of sunset tinted the sky and lake surface as he lay on the hill in content, he couldn't remember the last time he had dreamed of anything but torture or pain and for once he felt like he was truly free and happy.

Closing his eyes was harder than he would have liked so he forced them to stay open, he still wanted to see the moon and the stars light up the night sky. He watched as the sun set and the full moon rose, he didn't feel its pull like he would in the waking world but he couldn't force himself to care as he watched the night creep in.

Fireflies crept over the area like a fog and the stars blinked into view one at a time as the sky darkened, the moon reflected off of the lake beautifully and the breeze died down as the night cold washed over everything.

It was still warm and he was thankful that he didn't have to feel the bone chilling cold in his dream the same as he had to in the waking world, he loved the stillness and the silence and how no one was around to hurt him here.

The place was like all his wishes come true and he just wanted to stay there forever but he felt the exhaustion he'd fought off for hours return, at that moment he just wanted to sleep again, to sleep and not wake up.

He was violently jolted awake by a firm grip on his shoulders, Derek's worried face came into view after he'd managed to blink away his sleep. The worry on his face told Peter something was wrong but the grip caused him to whimper and squirm from his position underneath the other man "Peter thank god, you wouldn't wake up and your heart rate was so slow ... you went so cold, I ... I thought I'd lost you," Derek cried into his neck, wet tears stopped him from trying to escape again and he pulled a shaking hand to the man's back in comfort.

'Ah so I almost died' he thought to himself, the dream was firmly planted in his mind but he couldn't go back, couldn't have Derek crying like this if he chose to stay asleep and never wake up 'worthless' 'you should have died' 'why are you alive' 'slut' 'whore' 'useless' the voices were back, they always were when he was awake but he ignored them this time in favour of comforting Derek.

After Derek had calmed down and gotten up Peter turned to look out the window and saw it was not long passed midday, he'd been asleep for a good few hours but the exhaustion was still there, the bone deep cold making him tighten his blanket as he sat up, the pain had returned and his fear was all there.

Looking forwards he noticed Derek looking at him as if Peter would disappear when he looked away "I'm ok Der," Peter forced the words to come out normally but he didn't have the energy to finish Derek's name, the other man didn't seem to mind what he'd called him and instead sighed in relief "jus' tired," he tacked on and saw the man stiffen again in panic, he didn't look too happy with his answer but he kept his mouth shut.

"I think its ready," Cora came up to them with Stiles and Chris behind her, Stiles had a cup of unknown liquid in his hands whilst Chris had a bottle of water. They came over to him and Stiles knelt so he was level with Peter who was sat on the couch "drink everything in the cup," he ordered and Peter could only nod obediently before taking the cup and swallowing the contents as fast as he could, he couldn't taste anymore so didn't know if it was bad and he'd held his breath just in case it smelt bad and by the look on Cora's face it was probably foul.

Chris handed him the bottle of water and he took it slowly, he hadn't had anything to drink in what seemed like forever. Derek took the bottle before he could drink any though and he looked at him with tears in his eyes "you need to wait until you throw up, drinking this will be counterproductive," he handed it back to Chris but Peter didn't look away from him, he really wanted the water.

Derek didn't look like he'd give in and let him have it so he pouted stubbornly as tears fell from his lashes, he was devastated Derek had taken the water from him as soon as he had it in his hands "Peter," Derek sighed in exasperation and Peter was reminded that Derek was easily angered by his actions so he stopped and lay back on the couch, he curled up with his back to everyone and pulled the blanket up over his head.

He heard three sets of footsteps leave and knew Derek was the only one left in the room, he felt the bottom of the couch dip when Derek sat down. He felt Derek's hand on his hip through the blanket and moved his head from under it to look over at him, he didn't look angry so Peter sat up and moved into his lap cautiously, he loved the man's scent when it surrounded him.

When Derek didn't look like he was going to shout at him or push him away he snuggled into his neck, nose breathing in the scent he couldn't pick up from far away anymore and he realised just how much he missed constantly having it around "Peter," Derek sighed and moved his head back by his jaw to look into his eyes, he tried avoiding the other man's gaze in fear of what he'd see in them "let me see," he stated making Peter finally look into his eyes with confusion written on his face "open your mouth Peter," Derek coaxed as he tightened the grip on his jaw.

Peter shook his head in denial, he didn't want to open his mouth, didn't want him to see the missing teeth and burn sores on his tongue from the wolfs-bane but his refusal seemed to make him angry, all Peter could think was 'I made him angry again' and the voices spat scornfully 'idiot' 'you should have done as he said' 'useless' 'can't even follow orders' Peter couldn't help the flinch when the grip on his jaw got too tight.

Despite his flinch the hand didn't move or loosen its grip as it tried to force his jaw open, Peter let out a string of whimpers and struggled to dislodge the hand to no avail. He closed his eyes when he saw Derek's thunderous expression and willed the tears to stay away so he didn't anger him further than he already had, he felt his jaw loosen and Derek hooked a finger inside to pull it open further.

The anger was practically oozing off of Derek petrifying Peter as the tears slipped out of his closed eyes, his heartbeat accelerated with his panic and the urge to vomit hit him, he didn't know if it was from the 'medicine' or the panic overwhelming his body, he bit down hard on Derek's fingers causing him to let go with a pained growl then he turned his head and threw up on the floor beside them.

Blood, wolfs-bane and mountain ash were hurled onto the floor along with whatever concoction Stiles had given him, his throat burned all over again and he just wanted to run and hide again.

He took off when Derek was distracted by the bite and what he'd thrown up, he headed for the spare room and slammed the door shut, locking it as Derek came up the stairs then headed under the bed again.

Angry pounding came down on the door before arguing then nothing, Peter was glad the loud noises had stopped as he cried under the bed in fear. 

He'd bit Derek.

If he wasn't angry with him before then he sure was now "Peter open the damn door," Derek growled causing him to curl up against the wall more and stifle his crying in an attempt to make it seem like he wasn't there, he wanted Derek to go away so he didn't anger him anymore "Peter no," Derek seethed "I'll count to three and then I'm breaking the lock," when he heard what Derek said he scrambled from under the bed and headed to the closet quietly, he hid like he used to and hoped the werewolf wouldn't be able to find him despite there being a limited number of hiding places in the room.

He was deathly quiet when he realised Derek had stopped counting, his heartbeat slowed almost imperceptibly and his breathing had long pauses between as he hid his body under the blanket and clothes he'd found in the closet. He heard the lock breaking and the handle opening the door, Derek's footsteps headed towards the bed and he heard him kneel down.

When the man saw that he wasn't there he growled in frustration "Peter where are you?" he grit out and it took everything in Peter to keep his heartbeat slow and reign his emotions in so Derek wouldn't smell the fear and panic wafting off of him "there's only so many places you can hide Peter, just come out before you hurt yourself," Derek sighed in exasperation and opened the closet door, he didn't see Peter and there was no sounds other than his own heartbeat and breathing in the room, he tried to smell him but got nothing over the dust that used to coat the room and Cora's scent all over the clothes in the closet.

Derek would have turned away and started looking in the other rooms if it wasn't for the familiar blue blanket peaking out of the pile of clothes "why won't you come out Peter?" Derek wasn't angry at Peter he was angry at what they'd done to him and how terrified his uncle always was, he hated that his uncle couldn't sleep without almost dying or use any of the normal abilities a werewolf can and worst of all he was angry at himself for not realising something was wrong sooner.

"You're angry at me ... you're all angry at me, it was all my fault," Peter's throat had healed enough after he vomited for him to be able to speak short sentences without needing a break, Derek was just surprised Peter had answered him after trying so hard to hide "I'm not angry at you Peter," Derek pulled Cora's clothes away from Peter and picked up the bundle wrapped in the blue blanket.

He headed across the hall into his own room and sat on the bed with Peter in his lap, pulling the blanket down he looked at Peter's tear stricken face and kissed his temple soothingly.

Peter relaxed into Derek and his hands found the man's shirt, he gripped onto it tightly and listened to the heartbeat beneath his head "I'm not angry at you," he repeated "you're not?" he looked at Derek with a mix of confusion and relief as he waited for the other mans next words "I'm angry at myself, for not realising something was wrong sooner ... I'm angry at the people that did this to you," Derek explained as he held Peter closer I his arms, Peter nodded and put his nose into Derek's neck in comfort. He didn't understand why Derek was angry, he deserved everything that had happened to him after all but the fact that Derek wasn't angry at him was enough for him to relax into the other man.

"I'm thirsty Der," Peter tugged on the shirt when he realised he couldn't escape the cage that was Derek's arms, he heard a huff before he felt his body being lifted once again as they headed back downstairs.

Peter was allowed to drink the water and Derek set a plate of pizza in front of him, he still wasn't hungry but when he opened his mouth to protest he saw Derek's stern look and decided to force something down.

He didn't even get through the first slice before he began to feel sick and had to stop, although Derek didn't look too happy he didn't push when Stiles piped up and explained that he wouldn't have an appetite for a while as he was malnourished and had likely not eaten much in Eichen House.

After eating Derek took him back up for another bath and reapplied the cream and bandages before dressing him in some more pyjamas, they were both settled in bed when it began to get dark outside.

Despite all his earlier protests he was tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep away the exhaustion eating away at him, Derek was spooning him with his nose in the crook of his exposed neck.

That's how Peter's first day back went, he had a long way to go and he'd never be the same Peter as before but he'd get better.

Derek wouldn't have it any other way.


	8. No one listens anyway.

When he woke up the next morning with Derek's warm chest against his back he felt like some of the previous exhaustion had disappeared, he felt less tired and the dull pain was even less noticeable then yesterday.

He shifted as he tried to get out of the arms holding him to the chest, hunger finally settling in and the need to get a bath or shower overwhelming him. The dirty feeling of his skin was beginning to get too much and he wanted desperately to wash but the arms around him wouldn't budge, it was times like these that Peter wished he had his werewolf strength back.

"Der move," he demanded but the other man didn't listen, Peter knew the werewolf was awake by his heartbeat and breathing patterns so the fact that Derek wasn't listening to him crushed him.

Deciding it wasn't worth the effort when Derek clearly didn't want to listen to him, he stopped struggling against the arms and lay still. Derek rumbled in half sleepy content and tightened his already vice like grip causing Peter to force down a pained whimper, Derek seemed to still be able to hear it from his position and loosened his arms. Peter quickly pulled the arms away and rolled over, misjudging the distance because of his limited sight, he ended up rolling off of the bed onto the cold floor with a little yelp.

Derek was up and alert when he'd fallen and the other man could only sigh when he saw him on the floor "why did you do that?" Derek grumbled and Peter had to keep telling himself that Derek wasn't angry at him, annoyed maybe but not angry, it was working until he saw Derek's expression as he looked down at him.

He hated Derek being angry at him, hated the disappointment, annoyance and inconvenience he causes the other man by just being there.

Panic rose before he could stop it and Derek's expression fell "Peter come here," he tried coaxing gently but ended up spitting the command with anger tinting his voice, Peter scrambled back on the cold floor until his sore back hit the wall with a thud, tears sprang to his eyes at knocking one of his still broken ribs and he clenched his eyes shut in fear.

The constant fear and caution was exhausting but he couldn't help it, his control was almost none existent without his wolf and he couldn't hide his emotions behind a mask anymore since the mask had already been shattered. He was always like this, maybe a little less fearful but still fearful and panicked almost all the time, he just had the ability to hide it before Eichen House.

Footsteps closed the relatively short distance between him and the bed, he could hear better than yesterday but it still wasn't all back, he felt Derek's gentle hand on his shoulder and locked his body in place so he wouldn't flinch away "Peter," he heard the sigh as Derek knelt in front of him "let's get ready and then we'll try some breakfast," he gently pulled him into his arms and headed into the bathroom, Peter was in the shower even before Derek could remove the rest of his bandages.

Scrubbing his exposed skin too much as he tried to get rid of the feeling of being dirty, he pried the bandages away and scrubbed at the skin underneath them as well but nothing seemed to be working. Derek's hand held onto his frantically scrubbing hands and he took the wash cloth from him gently "you're going to hurt yourself," Derek started washing the now red skin more gently, when Derek was the one washing the dirt from his skin he felt better.

It made the feeling of being dirty go away and Peter could only sigh in relief and relax somewhat, he noticed Derek's clothes were getting soaked under the spray of water and was silently thankful he'd kept his clothes on. The thought of having a naked man so close to his vulnerable body made him sick and something told him Derek had caught onto that, or been told by Stiles not to, either way Peter was thankful and could take his shower in comfort now that he knew Derek could wash away the dirty feeling clinging to his skin.

More bandages and cream were applied before Peter went to the bedroom to find clothes, he was wrapped in a towel as he waited for Derek to finish his shower. He headed over to the other man's drawers and pulled on a pair of boxers before dropping his towel and searching for one of his cashmere sweaters, the box of his things was over in the corner so he headed to it and crouched down to search its contents.

Finding what he was looking for he pulled it over his head with much difficulty considering moving his arms up too much hurt his ribs, as he turned to head back over to Derek's drawers he was startled when he saw Chris standing in the doorway.

He had an unreadable expression on his face when Peter turned around but it was soon replaced with worry when Peter fell over from being startled, he wanted Derek to hurry up as he looked at Chris cautiously.

Chris was someone Peter never trusted, he'd killed the man's cousin and he had blue eyes instead of gold so the hunter would have no problem killing him not to mention his family had slaughtered Peter's, they both had plenty of reason not to trust one another. He couldn't read the man's expression, never really could if he's being honest, and that unsettles him more than it used to.

With his damaged body and senses he was more on edge around everyone and this man was someone he was on edge around even with his enhanced senses, he didn't know when the man would want to get revenge nor when he would want to finish what his sister started to make sure Peter didn't turn around and decide he wanted to kill the rest of the Argent line.

Nothing was more nerve frying than the unknown the man posed in all of this, he wasn't even sure why he'd agreed to help him with the poison.

Deciding he'd have to get his control back soon enough he got up and headed to the drawers, he pulled out articles of clothing and dropped them to the floor when they weren't the ones he wanted.

Looking for sweats in Derek's drawers was harder than he thought so he settled with a pair of small jeans instead, they were still loose when he'd buttoned them up so he returned to searching the drawer for a belt.

One hand holding the too loose jeans up and the other pulling Derek's clothes from their once neat place in the drawers, Chris' footsteps came closer making him stop what he was doing and turn to face him "what are you looking for?" he eyes the pile of clothes on the floor and then the half empty drawer "belt," Peter stated simply and motioned to the hand still holding his jeans in place.

The man nodded in understanding and helped him rifle through the drawers, Peter couldn't help but think that maybe Chris wasn't too bad after all.

Once they'd found the belt Chris retreated to the kitchen with a quick "I'm making pancakes," clearly inviting Peter down to join him, he only nodded and pulled the belt through the belt loops. 

Derek came in with his clothes already on and looked around the room as he surveyed the mess he'd made "what on earth," he growled at Peter scaring the other man "I ..." he was cut off by Derek before he could finish his sentence "never mind just get out whilst I clean this up," he growled again making Peter flinch involuntarily, he'd been doing so well to not be afraid around Chris and yet he still flinched when Derek made even a small threatening noise.

Chris was a more unpredictable variable, right?

He was more likely to hurt him than Derek was, right?

'No' 'he's tricking you' 'idiot' 'you don't even know who to trust' 'slut' 'useless' and they were right, Peter had no idea who he should trust in this place that housed people who would treat him carefully, like glass, one minute and then shout and get frustrated with him the next. He didn't know why they were putting up with him, why they pretended to like and tolerate him.

They said they wouldn't kill him, that they weren't angry with him but why did it feel like a lie?

Peter couldn't believe them because their actions against him suggested the opposite to what their words did, he couldn't smell emotions or hear the blip of a lying heart so he doesn't know why he believed them so easily.

No longer feeling that hungry he did as Derek said and left the room, he didn't go to the kitchen because then they'd make him eat and if he refused they'd be angry with him again so instead he headed to the stairs to the roof. 

He had grabbed Derek's leather jacket and his blanket on the way out, holding tears in as he closed the door and slipped the jacket on. He sat at the top of the staircase with his blanket around him and pulled his knees to his chest to hide his sobbing, he didn't understand anything anymore, it was all so different and confusing.

No one was the same as they used to be, he couldn't sit on the fringes and be ignored the way he wanted to be. 

Being ignored was better than being in the way, being an inconvenience like he was now.

Derek, Cora and Stiles no doubt felt it was their responsibility to make sure he didn't die and Peter hated that.

Hated that no one was here to make sure he was ok because they wanted to and not because they felt they had to, he wanted for everything to go back to normal for them. Maybe if he'd never let Derek take him from his cell they'd be somewhere else, with a real pack and not having to look after someone like him.

Some broken slut that couldn't even do his job and keep the family safe from harm, someone who couldn't stop crying and flinching and just breathing the same air as them.

No one would be able to see him from his position at the top of the staircase, Cora and Derek might be able to hear or smell him but he didn't care. Maybe if they saw how useless he was they'd finish the job, kill him and get it over with.

He only heard the footsteps when they were halfway up the stairs he was sat on, he stiffened up and pulled his knees closer to his chest as he tried to quiet his sobbing. Derek hated when he cried, it made him angry "do you want something to eat?" it wasn't Derek who spoke, Peter looked up to see Chris sat on the steps in front of him with a questioning look on his face.

Peter registered the question he'd asked and shook his head in denial, he wasn't hungry anymore and the thought of food made him want to vomit "what's wrong?" he pushed but Peter didn't want to answer, no one listens anyway.

His head fell back onto his knees and he deemed it safe to continue sobbing, Chris didn't seem angry that he was crying like Derek did "ok, if you want some they're on the table," Chris left with a small almost imperceptible sigh, Peter was just glad he was alone again.

Being alone meant no one could hurt him, no one would think he was a nuisance or get angry and scare him into tears. He could pretend everything was ok and that he was strong enough to live, pretend loud noises didn't bother him and he wasn't blind in one eyes nor deaf in one ear. The nightmares wouldn't be known to anyone but him and his panic attacks would be hidden in the privacy of his own home.

The blanket was the only semblance of safety he had left, it was always his last resort even when he was too scared to enter the basement or come out from under the bed when his father wanted to teach him a lesson.

It was the only thing other than his wolf that his family had ever given to him, his grandparents were the only ones to ever really care but they were gone too soon and now he can hardly remember their faces.

After a while he managed to calm himself down enough to wipe his tears and move over to the couch to lay down, he was tired again and he couldn't tell if it was from his crying or all the confusion swirling around him. He lay on the couch and closed his eyes with a content sigh "why are you going back to sleep, you just woke up," Derek's harsh voice entered his ears and his eyes snapped open to see him stood with crossed arms in front of him, his expression told Peter he wasn't impressed with him " ... " Peter opened his mouth to explain but Derek cut him off again "you know what it doesn't matter, do what you want," he turned away and stormed out of the loft with a harsh slam of the door, Peter couldn't handle it anymore so he ran to Cora's room

Cora was still asleep when he entered but he didn't care, he headed to her closet and hid at the very back. This time he made sure he was completely hidden as he let the tears fall from his eyes in a silent sob, he didn't want to wake Cora up and for her to be angry too because in the end Derek really is angry at him.

His eyes closed on their own as he slowed his heartbeat and breathing down, he didn't want to be found but there was only so many places he could hide in the loft.

He didn't dream of the grass hill and lake after that first time on the couch, when he slept beside Derek he didn't dream at all and when he slept alone the nightmares came back.

Clawed fingers slashed at his vulnerable throat; the scent of his burning flesh entered his nose, he couldn't breath over the blood choking him, entering his lungs to suffocate him slowly, the fear he'd been holding back for years slipped through his cracking mask. He hadn't wanted to die then but now he wished he could go back to that time and tell his past self to not bother resurrecting himself, tell him that only pain and suffering and loneliness waited for him if he did.

The nails on his fingers still hadn't grown back so when he woke up in the closet as he clawed at his throat he didn't cause any damage, he coughed and spluttered as he tried to breath. Cora opened the doors and removed his protective shield then pulled his head to her chest "follow my breathing uncle Peter," she didn't sound angry, Peter was relieved as he tried to follow her breathing.

Peter willed his hands to leave his throat and placed his hand on Cora's back in an attempt to follow her breathing, after a few moments it worked and he pulled back with tears streaming down his face "sorry," he mumbled and lay back down in his previous place, Cora didn't seem to mind as she rearranged the clothes she moved with a small smile "it's ok, why are you here and not with Derek?" she asked concerned and Peter sighed sadly, he wiped the tears before opening his mouth to answer "he's angry again," he managed to choke out "he slammed a door ... I got scared again ... I'm sorry," he sobbed again and heard Cora sigh again, she closed the doors and he heard her leaving the room.

Minutes later he heard shouting and growling, it must have been loud if he heard it from where he was with damaged hearing so he cowered in the closet.

Knees tucked into his chest as tears fell from his eyes in despair, he'd caused them to argue, it was his fault, he should have just kept his mouth shut 'worthless' 'idiot' 'it's all your fault' as usual they were right, he was the reason any of this happened. He should never have been born, should have listened to his parents when they told him he'd only bring suffering and despair to those around him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derek couldn't help it, he was constantly reminded of his own mistakes when his uncle was around. 

Every tear, flinch or negative emotion that would waft off of him was like a kick to the gut. He'd caused his uncle to be like that, it was his fault for not noticing sooner and getting him out.

He couldn't control the anger he felt at the people that had done what they did to Peter, couldn't help the exhaustion he felt after being kept awake by the fear of losing him whilst he slept. Everything Peter did was cautious, a different type to the one he was used to, and his emotions revealed what he was really thinking when he never used to be such an open book.

The constant worry that Peter wasn't getting better or that he might die because the stuff he'd thrown up was a modified version of the one they thought he'd ingested, the worry Stiles would throw over to Peter every time they got the wrong mix of herbs. The ever dwindling hope that Peter would get through this, sometimes Derek was more scared than Peter.

When Peter would wake in a panic with his hands clawing and squeezing his throat like blood was pooling out and suffocating him it reminded Derek too much of the time he'd killed him, he would be too afraid to ask the man what it was he was dreaming of in case it was of the time he'd killed him.

Didn't want to know if the people in Eichen had caused it because that would make him angry again, or if he was the one his uncle was terrified of.

Thinking that it was because of him he couldn't help but wonder how long Peter had been violently jolted awake by the suffocating feeling in his throat and lungs, had his uncle been hiding the pain and suffering from them since he was resurrected or had it only just begun.

Why did Peter talk and cry in his sleep? Why did he choke out the names of their family in fear, why did his heart stutter and panic when he was saying their names?

How long had Peter been feeling so alone, so afraid that he thought hiding his sobs was what he should do? 

Why had a faded old blanket bring him more comfort than him and Cora?

What was Peter really like behind the mask he'd grown up looking at, was it the Peter that would mock them and make a grab for power whenever he could or was it the Peter curled up in a ball as he sobbed when he thought no one was looking?

Was the real Peter even there anymore?

He stormed out of the loft and winced when he slammed the door behind him, he was tired after staying up all night worrying and had taken it out on Peter, again.

After spending an hour cooling off he headed into the loft again, he saw Chris looking at him with an unimpressed look but he didn't say anything. When he turned around he was met with Cora's angry scowl, she looked like she'd just woken up and Derek couldn't help but sigh. He had an idea as to what this was about so he let her start "you fucking retard, how many times do I have to tell you to control your fucking temper," she shouted and Derek looked around the room to see Peter wasn't there, he hoped he was far enough away to not hear them arguing.

"I try Cora, it's not my fault he's too scared to listen to anything I have to say," he growled back, instantly regretting what he said "five fucking years Derek, you can't expect him to just return and be alright after how we found him. You don't get anything Derek, you're just as clueless as you always were," Cora screamed in anger, she was always very protective when someone blamed Peter for something, even when it was him "do you even try to explain things, try to rein in your temper?" she finished with her own growl.

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it," he spat back at her "do I Derek? Because lately you seem to be acting like it," she countered "its just hard ok, everything about this situation is hard. He could die any minute and it fucking breaks my heart to know he won't be coming back again, you didn't see me after the first time Cora. I was so broken," Derek was on the verge of tears remembering what he'd done "you caused that Derek, not him. You think it's hard on you ... what about him Derek, how do you think he feels. Do you even know what our pack did to him? You don't even know the half of what he's been through so stop giving up on him and making him feel as if its better he's not alive," she cried and that got Derek to calm down.

"What did the pack do Cora?" Derek no longer shouted as he questioned his broken sister, she'd been carrying this secret for over twelve years and Derek wanted to know "did you know that his parents would beat him? That they'd tell him he was a mistake and should never have been born, that our mother caused, no, forced his eyes to turn blue. He was ostracised by the entire family and you didn't even realise something was wrong, he moved out of the house to live alone at fourteen Derek because he was scared our mother would kill him in his sleep. You don't know anything Derek, you were there and yet only Laura and I saw what was happening ... only I cared and do you know what's worse, the fact that the man up there hiding in my closet is the real Peter. He wore a fucking mask for so long that now when we see what he's really like we blame it on him being weak, blame it on Eichen," Cora bawled, tears falling from her eyes as she looked into Derek's shocked eyes.

"Did you know that when we were young he was scared to go into the basement, that blanket he has is something even I never knew he had Derek. He felt the need to hide his most prized possession from our family, I used to wake up because I was scared of the dark and creep into Peter's room because mother didn't like us interacting with him. He used to wake up screaming Derek, this isn't something new, this just added to the suffering he's been forced to endure since fucking birth Derek," Cora collapsed as she cried into her hands, relieved she'd gotten some of it off of her chest.

Derek looked back to see Chris with a solemn expression on his face, Derek couldn't help feeling useless when he realised even Chris saw what was happening in his pack and he'd been oblivious for so many years.

"He still blames himself for Paige, he thinks that if he wouldn't have told you what he did then she would still be alive. He blames our families death on himself and the memory of the person Talia killed with his hands to make his eyes blue still haunts him, Peter has never truly had pack before Derek. He's never been scented nor touched in a loving way, he's always been hurt by those around him. Why do you think he isn't angry at you for killing him, he thinks he deserved it when he really didn't," Cora still had more to say but Derek didn't know if he could take it, he loves his uncle more than he should and yet he doesn't even truly know him. 

Doesn't know what he went through growing up, doesn't know what he was like behind the mask before Eichen house and the fire, he knows everything that happened isn't Peter's fault. 

If anyone's to blame then its him, he could have stopped Talia, could have not killed Peter when all the man wanted was revenge and a pack that wouldn't hurt him like the one he was born into did, should have realised something was wrong when he hadn't heard from Peter in a while instead of finding out from Stiles that something wasn't right.

"I'm sorry," was all he could say as he took his sister into his arms "I'm not the one you should apologise to, Peter needs us right now. He likely can't feel his wolf Derek, how do you think that feels?" Cora told him with a sniffle "he's hiding again, he woke up choking on nothing and clawing at his throat. I barely got him to calm down, he needs you now," Cora pushed him away and Derek let her, she was right, Peter needed him and he shouldn't take his exhaustion out of him.

It wasn't Peter's fault, it never was and it never will be.

"Alright," he stood up and headed for Cora's room as she composed herself, he had an idea were Peter was.

He just hoped he hadn't scared him too badly earlier.


	9. Changes aren't always bad.

When Peter woke, with a dull throb in his head from crying, he wasn't in Cora's closet and instantly panicked. 

There was a warm body beneath his and when he placed his ear on the solid chest he recognised the heartbeat, the scent of Derek invading his nose instantly calming his previous panic "are you hungry?" Derek asked as he brought a hand into Peter's messy hair, he ran his fingers through the knots as he waited for him to answer. When all he got was a small shake of his head he tried again "that's not an answer Peter," Derek knew it was his fault Peter didn't want to talk, he'd dismissed him more times this morning than the man's broken self esteem could handle at the moment so he could only be patient and fix his mess "no," he was back to one word answers and Derek knew it would take more coaxing to get him back to sentences.

"Well I am so how about you come with me and help me pick something," Derek nudged him to the side as he slipped out from underneath Peter, he looked at Derek and didn't see the usual angry or impatient scowl, he looked at him encouragingly and it had been so long since Peter had last seen Derek with so much emotion that he blanked out slightly at the sight.

He wasn't really that hungry anymore but he supposes he can help the man pick something out, with a tired huff he stretched out as much as he could without aggravating his injuries and stood to follow Derek "I'm ordering take out," Derek stated as he headed to the kitchen, thinking the man was walking way too fast for him to be able to keep up in the condition he was in he reached forwards and took the slightly larger hand in his.

Derek slowed his pace when he felt the small tug backwards and couldn't help the smile playing at his lips, Peter like the feeling of the warm hand as it held his so didn't let go even when they were already in the kitchen.

They hadn't had to walk that far from the couch but Peter still wasn't fully healed so he was tired from the distance, it might have had something to do with the fact he'd just woken up, and he began to sway tiredly when they came to a stop.

Noticing Peter was probably about to fall onto the ground Derek picked him up and settled him on the kitchen counter, when he went to pull away to get the phone a weak grip on his hand stopped him "you know if you don't let go of my hand I won't be able to order take out," he grinned in amusement but was slightly disappointed when Peter slipped his hand from his, it had felt so right to have Peter's hand in his that he'd forgotten it was there for a moment.

Peter watched the other man pick up the phone he'd left on the counter and press a few numbers in, he heard the familiar ring before he tuned out in favour of thinking what food Derek might like "fries and gravy," Peter demanded when he felt his stomach grumble at him, he had thought he wasn't hungry but he may have been wrong.

His stomach seemed to think he was, he saw Derek nod as he relayed his order before the phone was put down.

A yawn made its way out of his mouth and he couldn't help but think about why, he'd been sleeping a lot since he'd gotten back to the loft and most of that was spent without nightmares, the exhaustion was also significantly less than it used to be so he couldn't quite explain why.

Maybe it was because his healing was working overtime without the necessary nutrients, he remembers that enhanced healing requires a lot of energy and so werewolves eat more than humans.

That seemed plausible, the need for food became more apparent with that idea and he was determined to eat as much as he was allowed to without hurting himself, malnutrition was meant to be a pain to get passed.

He remembers reading that you shouldn't force yourself to eat too much, especially after what he's been through. He had to get his body used to food and routine meals again so he was thankful Derek was making sure he ate, even if he felt like he wasn't that hungry most of the time. Maybe that was due to stress though, he heard stress can cause you to feel less hungry and more tired than usual.

Derek was looking at him when he was finally snapped from his thoughts and he jumped slightly in shock "hmm?" he questioned the other man with a little tilt of his head, he was met with an amused smile and Peter couldn't help the slight upturn of his lips.

It had been a while since he'd seen Derek smile this much, he hadn't realised how much he missed it until today.

"What were you thinking so hard about uncle Peter?" that was another thing Peter didn't realise he'd missed, Derek calling him uncle like they were family again and he hadn't done anything wrong 'you did though' 'you killed them' the voices reminded and his smile dropped.

When he saw Derek's questioning face he was reminded of the question he'd asked him "just about why I'm so tired all the time," Peter felt his throat was almost completely healed and couldn't help feeling better, his voice still came out slightly scratchy with disuse but he didn't care, he just liked that he had his voice back.

"Did you figure it out?" Derek looked genuinely curious as he asked him, they were closer now and Peter hadn't even realised when the other man had situated himself in-between his slightly parted legs "enhanced healing requires lots of extra food and stress causes exhaustion," Peter simplified so he wouldn't have to talk much, Derek looked like he understood anyway so he didn't have to elaborate.

Peter saw Derek's mouth open as if to ask another question but he was interrupted by the door, the fact that Derek hadn't hear the person on the other side approaching was unnerving but Peter supposed it was because he was focused more on Peter than someone making their way up to the loft.

"Food's here?" he questioned Derek when he smelt the gravy from where he was, the fact his sense of smell was back made him excited and he couldn't help but hope his hearing would get better and maybe even his eyesight too.

Derek moved away with a small scowl that Peter didn't quite understand and headed for the door.

After paying for the food he returned to the kitchen and placed the bags down, Peter had already gotten off the counter and had found the plates. He took one out and put it beside the bag Derek was unpacking, opening a few draws he found the forks and got one out.

The bag of food wasn't that big and he supposed Derek had only ordered as much as he usually would for himself, Peter had no doubt the other man would give him some off of his own plate so he only got one fork and one plate out.

Sharing food with Derek warmed his heart somewhat and he was reminded of how pack would bring food for injured pack mates, he'd never had that before so he was slightly excited that Derek would be sharing the food he provided for them. Peter found that he wanted Derek to provide for him, even if the other man was always angry with him, and couldn't help but want Derek to be his pack, maybe Cora too.

Now that he thought about it he's always liked Stiles, maybe he would also want to be pack.

And Chris, he never thought he'd be thinking of something like that but Chris was different than he first thought, the man had helped Peter when he needed it the most and he'd done that without needing to, he'd chosen to come help him and Peter was thankful for that.

Maybe the five of them could be pack, it wasn't like they had anyone else anyway.

Then he was reminded of Isaac, the puppy that followed Chris around and he couldn't help the thought that maybe he could be pack too. He may not like the pup too much but if he was going to follow Chris then he'd have to accept him too, a big pack would be better for survival.

He snapped out of his thoughts and noticed Derek was looking at him questioningly again, Peter only shook his head and grabbed his free hand in silent demand to return to the living room.

When Peter brought the jacket sleeve up to his nose he realised the leather no longer smelt like just Derek, it smelt of Peter AND Derek together and the smell calmed him more than Derek's alone did.

Something about the mingling scents told him he was going to be ok, maybe it was the prospect of them being pack and so would eventually smell like this or maybe it was something else.

Peter didn't know, didn't care, he was more interested in how the other man planned to share the food in his other hand.

By the time he was back on the couch beside Derek he was almost buzzing in excitement, he eyed the food in Derek's lap and couldn't help wanting to move it so he could sit there. Thinking that Derek wouldn't mind he cautiously took the plate in his hand, he looked up at Derek and when he only saw a questioning raise of the man's eyebrow he sighed in relief and continued pulling the plate off his lap.

Once it was safely in both his hands he shuffled over into the man's lap and settled the plate in his own, his back was pressed to Derek's chest and he could only sigh in content as he felt the familiar rise and fall of his chest. 

He felt a low grumble of content vibrate in the man's chest and he couldn't help turning his head slightly to nudge his chin with his nose "Der feed me," he requested cautiously, he didn't know if Derek even intended to share the food but he hoped he would.

His worries were set to rest when the man took the fork and carefully guided it towards his mouth, he opened it a little hesitantly and allowed the fork in, his lips closed over the fork as he took the food with a small moan in bliss.

It had been so long since he'd had food this good, he wasn't really a fan of take out but the fries and gravy Derek had fed him were heavenly "please don't moan like that Peter," Derek strained and Peter thought maybe he'd angered him again, he looked up slightly and was shocked to see a blush on his face instead of the anger he was expecting.

"Hmm?" he made a questioning noise and he bumped his nose on his chin again "it's just a little distracting," Derek explained after he'd gotten the blush under control, Peter only opened his mouth again in silent request.

Food was the only thing he cared about at the moment and Derek was the one holding the fork, Derek huffed a little laugh and guided some more fries into his mouth.

Peter jumped slightly when he heard the door open and turned his head the other way to see who it was, the three missing inhabitants were back with bags of groceries and clothes making Peter look away uninterested.

He ignored the new arrivals in favour of the food in his lap, a little bump to the chin got him another mouthful of the heavenly fries and an amused snort from one of the occupants by the door.

Choosing food over whatever they wanted was easy, Derek's lap was the safest place he could be and the reassuring grip on his hip confirmed that.

With Derek feeding him he was able to eat more than he would have been able to normally but there was still a mound of food left, deciding it would probably be best to return the favour he shuffled around until he faced Derek then took the fork from him, he held up a forkful of food a moment later.

The amused look Derek sent his way almost made him decide not to carry on but when he opened his mouth Peter decided that he'd stay, he guided the fork into his mouth and smiled triumphantly when he managed to judge the distance correctly despite his lacking sight.

Moments later they heard the sound of a phone camera going off and both turned to look over at the door, Stiles had his phone aimed at them and Peter had no doubt it was him the sound had come from.

Chris looked on amused but silent as he carried the bags into the kitchen and Cora looked like she was on the verge of squealing, Peter didn't understand what was wrong, he was only returning the favour by feeding Derek so why did they all look so amused. He felt Derek chuckle rather than hear and he couldn't help looking back over at him in question "how many of them do you have?" Derek put on a stern expression but from his position against his chest Peter knew that Derek was just as amused as everyone else "quite a lot actually, the amount of times I've walked into this room and seen you two snuggling or asleep is astounding to say its only been a few days," Stiles scrolled through his phone as if to emphasise.

Now that got Peter curious "give," he copied Derek's stern expression and demanded "why?" Stiles pouted stubbornly, Peter only fished out Derek's phone from his pocket and waved it around like Stiles was meant to know what he was going on about.

He saw the moment it clicked for Stiles and the other man instantly rushed to his side "quickly chose some and I'll send you a copy," he gave Peter the phone and he scrolled through the pictures, in the end he chose the one of him feeding Derek and the one of him asleep on Derek's chest from a few hours ago. When he opened the message from Stiles he set the home screen as him feeding Derek and the lock screen of him and Derek asleep, throughout the exchange Derek just looked on blankly.

Stiles was already gone when he realised what he'd just done, Peter stiffened slightly and turned to look back at Derek to see if he was mad, Derek's face was blank worrying him slightly but he wanted to know what he was feeling so he poked him with a trembling finger in the side of the cheek "Der did you want a different picture?" he figured a question like that was safer than asking what he was feeling.

He slipped the phone into Derek's hand guiltily and lowered his head, eyes closed in panic as he waited for Derek to get angry at him "I'm hungry," was all he said, Peter looked up quickly and saw a slight blush on the other man's cheeks.

It was obvious he'd tried repressing it so Peter smiled happily and took the fork once more "here," Peter brought the fork to him mouth and waited, Derek smiled slightly and opened his mouth for him.

Peter was pleased with himself when they'd finished, he'd managed to eat a few more mouthfuls when Derek had left some and had managed to feed the other man without spilling anything down them.

Now he was wrapped up in his blanket on Derek's lap as he fought the urge to just fall asleep right there "just go to sleep Peter," Derek growled when he noticed and Peter panicked slightly at his tone, he'd made him angry hadn't he?

With a sigh Derek's hand made its way under his clothes and found his hip, the reassuring weight grounded him and stopped him from panicking "Der?" he asked cautiously "sleep," was all the man said but Peter couldn't, he wiggled off of Derek's lap and laid back on the couch. When he looked back at Derek the man had a displeased scowl on his face but he was obviously trying to hide it from him, Peter prodded the man with his toes until he looked at him "Der," he made grabby hands and Derek raised an eyebrow in question, when the man realised Peter wanted him to lay down too he sighed in relief and settled on top of Peter.

His nose found the crook of Peter's neck as he drank in the reassuring scent, he could feel and hear the man's heartbeat from his place in his neck and was relieved that he'd be able to hear if it changed. Peter brought his hands up and around Derek's back and he pulled him down some more, he knew the other man wouldn't crush him and he wanted to be able to feel the heartbeat against his chest.

Unconsciously his breathing and heart rate synchronised with Derek's as he tilted his head for the man, he closed his eyes and fell asleep to the content rumbling in Derek's chest.

He couldn't help but think 'maybe change isn't bad after all' because in the end everything had changed, Derek and Stiles had changed the most after himself and the only constant is Cora, even his opinion of Chris had changed for the better.

Peter finally felt like he didn't have to worry anymore, the voices couldn't tell him otherwise, Derek was safety to him now.

Derek would look after him, he was pack after all.

Right?


	10. I'm not coming out!

Peter managed to eat some more later that day before Derek took him upstairs for another bath, he'd learnt his lesson this morning and decided to let Derek wash him instead of rubbing his skin raw.

After Derek had reapplied the creams and bandages he waited in the bedroom, not wanting a repeat of this morning, the fluffy towel wrapped around his now shivering frame.

By the time Derek was done in the shower Peter's lips were a sickly shade of blue, he didn't want to get into bed without clothes on and he didn't want Derek getting angry because he rooted through his clothes or messed them up again.

Derek stopped at the door and looked at him slightly confused, after a moment he strode over quickly and took his jaw gently in his hand "why aren't you in bed, you're going to get ill," Derek sighed as he took in the colour of Peter's lips, he brushed his thumb across them and felt how cold they are "where's your clothes?" Derek took in his still towel clad form "I was waiting for you to give me some, you were angry when I messed them up last time," Peter looked down as best he could with the hand on his jaw, Derek wouldn't let him and gently pulled his head back up to meet his gaze "that's not why I was angry Peter, I was just tired and took it out on you ... you can always take whatever you want from the drawers," Derek explained as he pulled him over to the drawers, he opened the first one and handed him a pair of boxers.

As Peter pulled them on and dropped his towel Derek was searching for a shirt and pyjama bottoms, he managed to fin one of his softer shirts but there were no more clean bottoms left so he turned to Peter with an apologetic expression "I only have a shirt at the moment, everything else is in the wash," he explained as he handed the shirt to Peter.

The shirt slipped off of his shoulder and barely covered his boxers, he wasn't that much smaller than Derek but he'd lost a lot of weight and the other man was always bulkier than him he expected it to slip off slightly.

He didn't mind "it's fine Der, I'm cold though," he yawned and made his way over to the bed, most the skin on his legs and arms were covered in bandages anyway so the short sleeved shirt and lack of pyjama bottoms didn't make him as cold as it should have in the loft, he pulled Derek along with a hand he didn't realise he'd taken and carefully climbed into the middle of the bed.

It took him a moment to realise he still had Derek's hand and he'd need to let it go if he wanted to pull the blankets up so with a sigh of reluctance he let it go in favour of getting warm, Derek chuckled quietly as he slipped in behind him and put a hand on his hip.

Peter didn't know why the weight of Derek's hand on his hip reassured him as much as it did but he was grateful when it did, touching Derek when he was like this was comforting and he didn't feel the need to vomit, when the other man wasn't angry or irritated or making loud threatening noises Peter loved the safety he felt being around him. He loved how he could sleep at night without nightmares and eat nice food without feeling the need to be sick afterwards, liked how no one hurt him and the voices would grow quieter with each passing day.

Sleep came easy for Peter and Derek forced his eyes closed despite his fear of losing the other man in his sleep because he didn't want Peter to be afraid of him, didn't want him to think he was doing something wrong when it was just Derek being grouchy and stupid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morning light woke Peter up the next day, Derek was still asleep but Peter wanted to get up. 

He would feel bad if he woke Derek up so he was careful when he wiggled his way out of the arms holding him and heading to the bathroom to put a bath in, he knew he'd have to wait for Derek to get up for him to get clean so he brushed his teeth and went to the toilet as the water filled the bath.

"Peter?" a worried voice came from the bedroom and Peter knew it was Derek looking for him "hmm?" he questioned as he poked his head out of the bathroom door to see a slightly dazed yet frantic looking Derek, his hair was sticking in every direction and his eyes were narrowed in sleep as he looked over to him "why are you up already?" he groaned when he realised Peter was alright, Peter only looked at him confused "I felt uncomfortable and needed a bath," he explained as if Derek was meant to get it, Stiles must have explained to him by now the need he feels to scrub his skin clean sometimes.

Derek looked just as confused as before, as the seconds trickled on his expression morphed from confusion to understanding and he pulled himself out of bed to help Peter get ready.

The bath and re-appliance of the creams and bandages went quickly, all Derek wanted to do was get a shower and coffee to wake him up so he wouldn't get angry around Peter.

Again.

Deciding he wanted to wear pyjamas for the entire day, Peter set about searching for Derek's comfiest clothes whilst the other man took a shower.

After searching the entire drawer he realised Derek didn't have any comfy bottoms left and decided to settle with jeans, he still chose to wear one of Derek's larger shirts and took the belt he used yesterday to hold the jeans up. The leather jacket was a must, it was something Peter had decidedly chosen to steal from Derek and he had no intention to give it back to him, he pulled it over the baggy shirt and turned to find his blanket.

It was still on the bed so with a small sigh of relief he headed over to it and wrapped it around him, the cold instantly disappearing with the added layer to keep in the warmth.

Knowing Derek would take a while longer he headed down to the kitchen and made him a cup of coffee, Derek said he was tired in the mornings so coffee should help him wake up "you're not allowed coffee," Cora came in with hair sticking everywhere, she was still in her pyjamas as she fumbled to make her own coffee "not for me, it's for Der," he stated with a little snort, Cora looked worse than Derek when she was tired but at least she wasn't too grumpy.

A familiar scent invaded his nose as footsteps approached making Peter turn to Derek with a smile, he held out the mug of coffee "here," he offered when he saw Derek's questioning brow, Derek took the mug with a tired smile and Peter made his way into the living room to find somewhere comfy to lounge.

Moments later Derek came in and plopped down onto the couch with a sigh, Peter decided Derek was the most comfortable place he could be and approached cautiously, he didn't know if Derek was still grumpy from being woke up or if the coffee had done its job yet. He stood in front of the other man and saw his questioning eyebrow once again, morning Derek wasn't much of a talker it seemed, so he only lifted the man's arms up and sat in his lap before letting them fall back down.

He heard a small sigh of content as he sat back in Derek's lap, their heartbeats synced as he pressed his back to Derek's chest and waited until his stomach decided if it was hungry or not. After last time he preferred to trust his stomach over whatever he was feeling so when he heard the little grumble he decided he needed food, Derek heard it too if the little chuckle was anything to go by.

"Let me finish this and I'll call Stiles," Derek took another sip of his still hot coffee and snaked an arm around Peter's waist as if the man was going to get up in search of food without him, Peter had no intention to leave the comforting warmth that was Derek's arms but let the man reassure himself.

Derek finished his coffee and reluctantly moved Peter to the side whilst he got up to call Stiles, he couldn't cook anything Peter would want to eat so he had to rely on Stiles to make it when they couldn't order in "Stiles can you come over, I can't cook," that was a lie, he hadn't cooked since the fire but that didn't mean he couldn't cook "you do realise it's too early to be calling," Stiles groaned making Derek look at the time on his phone "its 9 o'clock Stiles, just get over here before I have to come over there and drag you out of bed," Derek threatened, he was suddenly irritated and he knew it was because he wanted to go back to Peter.

Stiles hung up the phone with a quick "give me a few minutes," and Derek sighed in relief, he returned to the living room to see Peter passed out on the couch again. It worried Derek sometimes when he slept so much, so quietly, but he knew it wouldn't last too long. He smiled as he walked over to Peter, the man's head was on the arm of the couch closest to the kitchen making him smile.

Knowing Peter wouldn't mind, and feeling like sleeping himself, he climbed on top of him and nosed his neck so that it was exposed. He loved falling asleep to Peter's scent with his nose buried in his neck, he made sure he didn't press all his weight on him before drifting off himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter woke to the sound of Derek's threatening growls, he felt the almost crushing weight of the other man on top of him and knew he wasn't growling because of him. He looked up at Derek and saw golden beta eyes shining, elongated canines and extra facial hair. 

Realising they were probably in danger Peter buried his head further in Derek's neck as he tried, and failed, to tamper down the panic bubbling up inside him.

His fear and panic only seemed to make Derek growl more and Peter got worried something bad was going to happen, he wanted to hold onto Derek's shirt or hand in reassurance but he'd just be hindering the other man so he stopped himself "Der?" he whispered breathily, he was sure only the man above him would be able to hear him, he continued "what's wrong?" and heard the growling calm slightly, when Derek took a quick look at him the growling intensified again.

Finally having the room to move, he carefully turned around so his back was to Derek's chest and peaked out over the arm of the couch, Derek seemed unwilling to let him see whoever was over the other side of the loft but he didn't stop him moving.

On the other side of the room was Scott McCall, thinking he'd be forced to go back to Valack Peter quickly ducked back down underneath Derek, he felt the fear return tenfold and couldn't help the little shakes of fear. Derek lowered onto him further and the reassuring weight on his back was enough to calm him somewhat, he felt the tears before he could stop them and tried to stop the sniffling.

"What is he doing here Stiles?" Derek raised his voice with an angry snarl and Peter couldn't help the flinch, the man above him only pressed more of his weight on him to try and calm him down "I didn't bring him, he was here before me," Stiles' petulant retort sounded from further away and a moment later Peter heard Cora join in growling at Scott, Scott was also growling at them, he was an Alpha and didn't take kindly to being challenged on his own territory.

"I'm here to find out why you two are on my territory without permission," Scott snarled as he flashed his red eyes at Derek but he didn't back down "this is Hale territory McCall, we're here to take it back," Cora challenged and Peter felt proud of her, the little rumble Derek sent him under all the growling told him he agreed with the pride he felt.

Scott looked murderous when he heard Cora "you can't just come back here and demand I hand over my territory to three omega werewolves," he rebuked in pure anger and denial, Peter cowered under Derek and puled the blanket up some more "this is HALE territory, not yours," Derek shouted and Peter had to focus on the man's heartbeat so he didn't panic too much "it's up to us what to do with OUR territory, just because we allowed you to stay for five years doesn't mean you and your pack get to stay without permission," Derek wouldn't let him have his way, Peter deserved a pack, a family that loved him and reclaiming the Hale lands was just part one of their plan.

Cora flew at the Alpha with elongated claws and a boiling rage, this was the man who'd caused their uncle's suffering, she wouldn't stand for him claiming her family's land after that. She wasn't a match for an Alpha alone but Derek didn't plan on sitting by and letting him hurt his sister, he looked at Peter in worry but decided that he had to do this and jumped off of the couch to join the quickly escalating fight.

Stiles was worriedly trying to break up the fight but it was no use, he couldn't do it without hurting someone so he chose to quietly sit on the side-lines until the Hale's managed to take Scott down, he had no doubt they'd be the ones to win after all.

He looked around and noticed his gaze wondering to the empty couch "shit, Derek where's Peter?" Stiles didn't want to distract him whilst he was fighting an Alpha but a missing Peter was more important at the moment.

When Derek left Peter was thrown into a panic, not having the strong heartbeat against him to keep him calm made all the repressed fear bubble up again, he bolted to the stairs and found Cora's closet. The scent of pack and family was calming as he tried to drown out the sounds of fighting and angry snarling, he buried into the very bottom of the mound of clothes and covered his ears as he willed the tears to stop.

The quiet that followed soon after put him more on edge, he didn't want to be taken back to Valack, coming out meant it was a very real possibility so he wouldn't come out no matter what.

"PETER!" Derek's frantic voice drifted into his still covered ears, he didn't want to worry Derek but the thought that Scott had come to take him away again made him stay quiet, he had no doubt the other man already knew where he was but that wouldn't make him come out "Peter?" the closet doors opened and he stayed as still as possible, he hoped Derek wouldn't know he was there but he could already tell the other man had found him.

"Come on out, Scott's gone ok," he tried but Peter refused to fall for it, he couldn't help but think that maybe Derek wanted him gone, couldn't help but wonder if he'd done something wrong again 'idiot' 'you can't do anything right' 'useless' the once quiet voices returned and Peter couldn't help agreeing, Derek wanted to send him away again.

"I'm not coming out," he told the man when he realised he wasn't going anywhere, he didn't want to give him another reason to want him gone after all "why not Peter," he didn't seem angry or irritated with him but why else would Scott have known he wasn't in Eichen House anymore "you want to send me away again, you can't send me away if I don't come out," Peter sniffled as he explained, Derek could always drag him out but he wouldn't leave without a fight.

"I'm not going to send you away Peter, you belong here ... with me," Derek whispered the last part but Peter still heard him, deciding he should believe Derek over the voices in his head he sat up and wiggled out of the mound of clothes "you mean it?" he asked as he wiped his still wet eyes "always," Derek nodded and Peter couldn't help it when he fell forwards into Derek's arms, all he wanted in that moment was a hug and reassurance.

And that's what Derek gave him, his hand came up to rub soothing circles on his back as he whispered words of comfort in Peter's ear "I'm right here," he promised and Peter believed him, Derek hadn't broken any of his promises yet.

Derek gathered him into his arms and headed back down, it was then that Peter noticed the blood and tears in Derek's shirt and despite knowing the other man had perfectly normal enhanced healing he couldn't help his worry "Der where are you hurt? Its better now right?" he frantically moved the torn cloth aside and ran his fingers down the still healing skin, he sighed in relief when he noticed it was healing in front of his eyes.

"I'm fine Peter, its already healing," Derek chuckled at his worry and Peter couldn't help but bristle at his obvious dismissal "I can see that, if you carry on laughing at my concern you can put me down right here and I'll be on my way to the spare room ... I won't sleep in your room again," he huffed but his threat was real, if Derek wanted to make fun of him then he'd make sure Derek couldn't sleep because of worry.

"Don't be like that, I wasn't laughing at your concern ... you were just cute is all," Derek mumbled the last part and Peter couldn't help the blush, Derek thought he looked cute when he was concerned about him "oh yeh?" he teased as he hid his bluching face in the man's neck "how about now hmm?" he questioned knowing the other man couldn't see his face "yes, you're also cute when you blush," Derek stated as if it was normal and Peter blushed more "idiot," he mumbled into his neck but he was smiling, he couldn't help but think maybe Derek loved him back.

They made it back to the couch where a plate of pancakes was already waiting for him, he felt his stomach grumble at the sight and couldn't help urging Derek to go faster "come on Der, pancakes," he begged and was met with a small but fond sigh "if you want to go faster how about you walk there yourself?" Derek teased "I would if you'd ever put me down," Peter countered and he heard the chuckle vibrate against him.

Something about making Derek laugh, no matter how small, made Peter feel proud and warm inside. 

He loved Derek, more than he probably should, and hearing him laugh made his day that much brighter.

He'd never admit it out loud but he knew it in his heart, it was a fact that would never change despite what Derek said or did.

Even if he was scared of the man, even if he was about to kill him, even if he will be the one to break him all over again.

Derek is the one he loves, he'll always love him but he won't tell him that.

Just having him like this, like now, was all he would allow himself to have.


	11. Get better for me.

Derek insisted he feed Peter the pancakes before he headed up to get another shower, his clothes were covered in blood and it had started to crust on his skin making him uncomfortable so instead of staying with Peter, like he'd wanted, he was forced to return to his room to shower and change his clothes.

When Peter was alone the voices would get louder, they'd put thoughts in his head and he'd doubt things because the voices never lied to him. 

Peter couldn't help it when they told him that Derek would go back to the way he was before as soon as Peter was better, he began to doubt how long Derek and Cora would really stay and tolerate this new him. 

Thinking that Derek would return to the cold, angry sour wolf he was after Paige died was crushing in its own way. When Derek had ran away with Laura and left him vulnerable he had been devastated and although he was resigned to the fact, and knows it was probably for the best, Peter couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment he felt when Derek had slashed his throat.

Knowing that Derek and Cora were aware he was sent to Eichen and yet had ran away to another pack made him feel more betrayed than he was willing to let others see, he loves Derek.

Always has.

Being told by his own mind that once he was better he wouldn't be held gently by the man again hurt more than he thought it should, being told that he wouldn't be able to wear Derek's clothes nor sleep in the same bed as him at night made him not want to get better.

The warmth and synchronized heartbeats were something he wanted to keep, he wanted to be able to sit in the others lap and scent mark him, wanted to be scent marked in return by someone that thought of him as at least pack. He wanted Derek to unconsciously protect him, even when he's not injured, and choose to fight for his safety because Peter wanted to believe the other man loved him too.

Wearing his leather jacket and being fed by him were things he'd never have let himself have if the fire had never happened, Peter couldn't help not wanting to get better if it meant he wouldn't get to have that with Derek anymore.

He wanted to keep what they'd built, what Derek had given him.

Stiles was in the kitchen flicking through an old book, which Peter is sure used to belong to him, as he researched the herbs in the box on the counter. Peter headed over without his blanket and started rifling through the box, he recognised some of them but the ones he didn't were the reason he stopped and turned to the other man.

Peter couldn't do anything that would make Derek sad or disappointed in him, tampering with the herbs would probably hurt them both and Peter didn't want that. He wanted to not get better but Derek wouldn't want him purposely sabotaging his 'medicine' so he could only sigh, instead he decided it was best to get his worries off of his chest and Stiles was the only person he could truly call a friend.

"Stiles can I ask you something?" he looked at the man now looking at him curiously, when Stiles registered the question was directed at him he blinked in confusion then nodded "do you think Derek will go back to the way he used to be, with me?" he couldn't help it when the question came out quieter than he originally intended, when he saw Stiles' confused face he carried on "thinking that he'll go back to ignoring me or not letting me touch him like he does now ... it scares me Stiles. I don't WANT to get better ... not if it means I lose what we have now, I can't go back to just ignoring him ... ignoring how I feel," he whispered the last part like it was his biggest secret and if he thought about it, it was his biggest secret.

Loving Derek, his nephew.

Talia had found it disgusting, she had said he was mistaken when he'd told her Derek was someone he thought of as a potential mate.

That was another reason she hated him.

Another reason she wanted Peter as far away from the rest of the pack as possible, another reason he'd decided to move out at fourteen.

"I think Derek ... I think you don't know what he's really thinking, after he killed you he was different," Stiles looked like he was choosing his words carefully and Peter appreciated that, Stiles is the only person that wouldn't lie to him about this "no one else noticed, hell I didn't notice at first ... not until after you'd come back to life. He wasn't all there, depressed and almost soulless as he hid behind an angry mask ... he was more volatile," he looked like he was thinking back on a far away memory, something he'd kept with himself in case he ever needed it.

"Derek won't be able to go back to how he was with you, its like once he's got a taste of what he really wants ... he can't let it go. You haven't seen the way he looks at you Peter," Stiles stopped for a moment and after deciding he wasn't revealing too much he carried on "how he's always felt about you," he whispered like it was forbidden for him to say, like it wasn't his secret to tell.

"He wants you to get better, you should focus on that for now ... anything else can be dealt with as you come to it," he nodded as if he'd found all the answers "but I think Derek won't let it go back to the way it was, I think he might be ready to own up to his feelings for once," he finished and Peter felt confused, what did Derek feel for him?

Did Derek like him back? Did he want to be family again or ... ?

Peter could only do as Stiles suggested, getting better was something Derek wanted for him so that was what he was going to do.

This time he wouldn't let his chance slip through his fingers, he was happy with whatever Derek was willing to give him. If he doesn't like him like Peter does then being family, being pack would be the thing he accepts from Derek.

Feeling the cold of the loft creeping over his skin again he moved towards the couch, behind him he heard Stiles answer a phone call and knew it was Chris arranging a time when he would come over and help make Peter's 'medicine'.

Even under the blanket Peter could feel the cold, Derek was taking too long to be taking a shower and changing his clothes "Der," he called loud enough for the werewolf to hear him, not hearing a reply he tried again "Der I'm cold," this time he heard Derek as he descended the stairs, he had his shirt in his hands and his toned torso was wrapped in white bandages.

Despite knowing a wound caused by an Alpha werewolf would heal slower Peter couldn't help his worry, he had seen the wounds begin to knit back together but worrying for Derek's safety was a habit he'd picked up before the fire.

"Are you ok?" he whispered as Derek approached the couch he was sat on, he knew better than to worry about something clearly already healing but this was Derek.

The person he loves.

He was standing there covered in bandages and Peter couldn't help the tight feeling in his chest, he couldn't help wondering if this was how Derek and Cora felt when they saw him.

"Don't worry Peter, I'm fine already. I just didn't want the blood to get on you," Derek sat beside him and pulled him over to his lap, Peter let the other man settle him in his lap before he relaxed with a small content sigh.

Stiles, Chris and Cora were already in the kitchen with a new batch of herbs and Peter had no doubt they'd be able to figure things out soon.

"What are you planning Der?" Peter isn't stupid, Derek and Cora challenged Scott for the Hale territory and Peter wanted to know what his nephew was thinking "hmm?" Derek questioned, Peter knew he was trying to avoid the topic "don't do that Der, if you don't tell me I'll leave right this instant," Peter threatened and moved forwards slightly to show the other man that he wasn't joking around, Derek locked his arms around his waist unwilling to let him go.

"Der," he warns, his previous fear of angering the man suddenly washed away in the face of a threat to his pack, Derek was surprised.

This was so much like the Peter from before it stunned him a little but in the end he knew it was only temporary, Peter's confidence would only last for a little while.

"We need an Alpha Peter, I was thinking maybe Cora could ..." Derek was cut off abruptly "no, you will be the Alpha," Peter commanded, Derek was once again shocked "remember last time I was Alpha Peter, I can't do that again," Derek sighed as he was reminded of his mistakes last time he was Alpha, was reminded how he'd gotten that power and couldn't help the reluctance.

Peter didn't seem to be backing down anytime soon though, Peter moved around so he could look Derek in the eyes then sighed like Derek had just said something stupid.

"Derek, did you really think I'd let just anybody kill me?" Peter began, he ignored the way Derek flinched slightly at his words "the Alpha spark was meant to be yours after Laura died, not me. I should have been there to teach you last time, I should have helped you," Peter placed his hand on Derek's cheek in comfort and explained, his scent soured with regret making Derek rub circles into his hip.

"You have me now Derek, you have Cora and Stiles and maybe even Chris and Isaac. I know you'll make a great Alpha, you just need a little push in the right direction," Peter smiled and rubbed their cheeks together, Derek looked like he was beginning to relax and Peter classed that as a win.

"Just promise me you'll talk to them about it, that you'll think about it Der," Peter settled into his arms and let the steady heartbeat lull him to sleep.

"Ok," he heard before he finally drifted off, he could feel his body healing.

He was getting stronger, there was movement where his wolf resided and Peter knew it was only a matter of time before he could run again.

New teeth were pushing through his gums where his canines were missing, he could see his nails growing slowly back and the only bones still broken were his ribs. The cuts and gashes would take longer to heal and he still felt a bone deep chill meaning he wasn't running as hot as a normal werewolf yet, his eyesight was still bad but his sense of smell and hearing were almost there.

Stiles and Chris had gotten rid of most of it, the next batch should be the last he needs and then he can work on putting some weight back on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derek did think about it, as Peter slept he decided to talk with the other three in the kitchen.

Peter was right, he needed three other werewolves and an emissary. Peter, Cora and Isaac would all agree to follow him as Alpha, Isaac always looked up to him so it wouldn't be hard convincing him.

Stiles and Chris were unknowns, Peter seemed to think they'd both follow him but one was an Argent who hunted werewolves for a living and the other was Scott's best friend.

He wasn't so sure but Peter seemed to think it was a good idea and he believed Peter's judgement, there was also the possibility of turning others if he was Alpha so even if Isaac refused he would have options.

The full moon was three weeks away, he had to become an Alpha before that.

Had to build a small pack, Peter hadn't seen or felt a full moon in five years and Derek was worried for what might happen.

The last time the Peter had missed so many full moons he went crazy, of course the fire and lack of pack contributed but it was ultimately the wolf in Peter that had slipped out and killed Laura not Peter.

Derek wanted to do this right, this time he wanted to be able to protect Peter and give him a pack to run with during the full moon.

Wanted to show Peter his full shift and have a pack again, wanted to feel safe for the first time since the fire.

He'd do things right this time, he had Peter now and he wasn't planning on letting him go. 

Not again.


	12. My Alpha!

Peter expected Derek to listen to him, expected Derek to take him seriously when he'd built up the courage to act tough and order him to do the right thing but when he woke up he was quite surprised.

He was wrapped up on Derek's lap as he ordered Chris and Cora around, his reluctance to leave Peter alone whilst he slept was evident and they didn't question the orders thrown their way.

Stiles had a laptop and papers scattered on the table in front of Derek, several maps of different states were under them and Peter could smell his medicine on the side waiting for when he woke up.

It took a while longer for Derek to notice that he was awake, Peter was just content listening to his pack making plans.

Because they were pack now, they were looking for a way to make Derek Alpha again.

“Peter how are you feeling?” Derek mumbled into his hair when he noticed he was awake, Peter sighed in content at the action.

“Fine,” it was no use lying to the other man, his ability to lie to werewolves was also hindered by his poor health. Derek hummed in relief as Cora brought the ‘medicine’ over for him, without having to be told Peter took the cup and swallowed it in one gulp.

This time he could taste the foul liquid somewhat, the smell alone was enough to make him gag and he was glad he hadn’t smelt the first one.

If this one was left on the side despite its smell then it was obviously better than the first one they’d made, well it was either that or they were used to the smell.

Derek was rubbing soothing circles on his hip and when Peter looked at his face he saw the seriousness clearly displayed, Peter couldn't help feeling proud of Derek for doing this, for getting over his fears and finally stepping up.

Like Laura would have wanted, like Talia would have wanted.

As he lay there in Derek's arms, Peter began to think about his situation. He quickly came to the realisation that once he could feel his wolf properly again he would probably go feral, despite having a pack now it had been too short a time for any real pack bonds to form between them.

Not to mention they didn't have a real Alpha just yet, the red eyes and power were good for more than one thing.

They had none left after the Mexico incident and it was hard for him to accept them again after losing so many, once his wolf woke up he had no doubt he would need Derek to bring him back to himself.

He didn't even have an anchor anymore, there was a nagging thought that maybe it could be Derek but the fear overruled that quickly.

What if Derek left again? 

If he left after Peter made him his anchor then there would be no coming back when he inevitably went feral again, Derek was his Alpha now, he should trust him more but the past couldn't be erased in less than a week, Peter couldn't forget all that had happened to him before and after Eichen house so quickly.

Fear still scraped at his bones, his blood still ran cold at the slightest threatening sound. He couldn't even deal with seeing Scott McCall without panicking, it would take him some more time to heal that part of himself.

It was just too soon, for all that he loves Derek the trust between them was shattered a long time ago. 

Only recently had it started to slowly piece itself back together, only recently had Peter allowed himself to have the comfort offered to him.

He could feel his wolf, if only a little, it wouldn't be long before it decided it was safe to show itself again.

The next full moon he'd be feral, he could feel it but he could also feel the quiet promise that Derek would bring him back to himself. The heavy reassurance on his hip grounded him and reassured him even now, if Derek couldn't do it he knew Cora would pull him back or even Stiles.

"Der, what have you found?" he nudged Derek without moving, reluctant to leave the warmth and comfort surrounding him "we may have a rogue Alpha two states over, we could have it done before the next full moon," Derek explained as he buried his nose in the crook of Peter's neck "good, you'll have to be an Alpha by the full moon," Peter reached up and ran his fingers through Derek's hair.

Derek's purr of pleasure was cut short as he processed Peter's words "Why?" he squeezed Peter closer in worry, he couldn't shake the feeling that he wouldn't like the reason "my wolf retreated inside of me so I could focus on healing without going completely feral, now that I'm almost healed I can feel him coming back out. By the next full moon I should be fully healed meaning my wolf will fight for control and return the feral state he was holding off," he explained carefully, at first he thought his wolf was gone for good and he was going human but there was no mistaking it now.

He could feel the stirring in his mind, the soft scratching as his wolf tries to break out of its own cage.

Tries to plunge them into a feral state so it can keep them safe, so it can keep them from going mad again without a pack.

It has their best interests at heart but it doesn't understand they already have an Alpha, the wolf needs to feel the pack bonds and hear the Alpha howl to mother moon before it will relinquish its hold of their body back to Peter.

"I'll need you there when the time comes Der," Peter continued "my Alpha," he felt Derek's fangs drop and his hold tighten some more, he dragged the sharp fangs along the delicate expanse of Peter's neck and he couldn't help tilting his head in submission.

Peter could smell the pride and desire wafting off of Derek and he could only groan and tilt his head further, urging his Alpha to claim him as pack.

Despite wanting Derek to claim him as mate he could only refrain from holding his wrist up, he didn't want to ruin what they had just because Derek's smell revealed desire.

It could mean anything, it didn't mean he wanted Peter like that.

"Peter," Derek breathed his name so softly Peter almost didn't hear it, he could tell Derek was holding back because of his weakened state but he wanted this. He wanted his Alpha to mark him as his Beta, wanted to feel the fledgling pack bonds snap into place with the sting of the bite.

"Derek ... Alpha," Peter encouraged and Derek couldn't hold back anymore, Peter expected to feel the sting of Derek's teeth puncture his flesh but he didn't. He could see Derek's mouth slot over his too pale skin, see where the fangs broke too taught skin and avoid bone or major arteries.

Black veins travelled up Derek's arm where his palm was splayed on Peter's hip, his fangs buried deep in a too thin shoulder but there was no pain.

There was no blood either, Derek removed his fangs when they felt the fragile bond snap into place but they were soon returned with his tongue as his lapped at the blood before it could escape.

All Peter could think was 'I can feel Derek' and as he watched his nephew clean the already healing wound he couldn't suppress his joy, Derek looked up without stopping what he was going and sent pride down their bond.

"Alpha," Peter breathed this time quieter, Derek stopped licking the now scabbed over wound and looked into Peter's eyes, he couldn't stop the urge to mark him again and he felt his fangs drop without his permission "don't push it Peter, I won't be able to stop myself biting you again," Derek was overwhelmed by the sincerity behind Alpha every time Peter uttered it, his wolf wanted to mark and claim him over and over as more than just pack, his wolf wanted Peter as their mate but Derek knew better than to push it.

Even if he could convince his uncle to give him a chance now wasn't the time, Peter was still healing and the full moon was in a few weeks, they had so much to do and not enough time for him to try and talk to Peter about his feelings.

He could wait a little longer, he'd waited years already, what was a few more weeks? A few more months for Peter to get better, for them to be able to really give it a try.

Peter opened his mouth to claim his Alpha again but thought better of it and closed it again, something in Derek's expression promised 'one day' and he couldn't help feeling excited.

Waiting wasn't something new to peter, he could wait for Derek to make the first move, to decide what he wanted them to be to each other.

After a few short minutes he felt another bond snap into place, he wasn't unconsciously holding them back now so they could form, could take up the empty place inside of him meant for pack and family.

Another two followed after and he could feel them, Cora and Stiles and even Chris too.

It was odd but it felt good, he'd missed being able to feel others, feel what they're feeling and know that his loved ones, his pack, are safe from harm and waiting for him.

Derek was still buried in his shoulder, nipping at the now scarred bite mark and Peter could feel his pride, he held him close and refused to let go so Peter decided to spend the rest of the day like that.

Watching over his pack as they planned to make it official, planned to make themselves more powerful, to be able to stand up and say 'this is our territory' without McCall being able to do anything.

Derek was listening in but was more content licking and nipping Peter's pack mark, Peter could fell his joy and pride overtake the disbelief every time Derek looked at the mark, as if he couldn't quite believe Peter had honestly accepted him as his Alpha.

The rest of the day was spent like that, they ordered pizza later and Peter stole an entire box for himself and Derek before the others could get to it, Cora and Stiles fighting over the last slice of cheese as Chris stole the last meat feast.

It felt like family, like pack and Peter couldn't help the smile as he watched them.

He could feel Derek's own smile against his shoulder, the other man had gone right back to the mark after nabbing a few slices of pizza and was scent marking Peter over and over as if he wanted to drowned him in his scent.

Peter didn't mind, he was scenting Derek back.

When they curled up together that night Derek held him closer than before "thank you," he brushed his fingers over Peter's hair "Alpha," was Peter's only reply, Derek's small chuff of a laugh vibrated through his own chest and he smiled a genuine smile into Derek's shoulder.

Peter knew things wouldn't always be like this, Scott would become a problem eventually and he had no doubt Valack would find out one day and try to come for him, Deaton was a constant nag in his mind also but he couldn't bring himself to feel the fear he'd normally feel knowing all of that. He had a pack now, an Alpha that would protect him and even if Peter wasn't quite sure Derek was here to stay, he knew that as long as he had his pack mark then he wouldn't be alone.

For once the voices were completely quiet, their words far away from his mind as his pack bonds now occupied the place they used to taunt him from.

There was no longer an empty, raw wound in his head. He wasn't reminded of the abuse and torture he'd suffer all his life, all he felt was the loving warmth of a real pack surround him.

The solid reassurance of his Alpha curled around him, breathing in his scent as he slept.

Nothing could stop him now, this time he'd protect his pack, this time he wouldn't let any of them die because this is his first real pack.

And no one hurts those he calls pack and gets away with it, not even the object of his fear.

"My Alpha," he mumbled as sleep consumed him, a sleep filled with happy dream instead of nightmares or darkness.


	13. Hale Spark.

Their mornings after were the same as usual; Peter would wake up and begin getting ready then wait for Derek to come trudging in to help him wash the vile feeling from his skin.

As Derek showered Peter would get dressed and head down stairs to get Derek’s coffee ready.

It had been a few days since Derek had marked him when Chris was already waiting with a plate stacked with pancakes and Peter couldn’t help his smile “thank you,” he took the plate and unconsciously scent marked the other man on the wrist.

By the time Derek was finished, Peter would be sat on the couch waiting for him, Derek would sit beside Peter as he ate the pancakes and he’d drink his coffee.

When he was done Peter would hand over his share of the pancakes, curl up into his side and take a nap.

Stiles would be in the kitchen or ‘War Room’ with Chris, they’d taken over an empty space beside the living room which was now covered in maps and different coloured string.

Cora would be sprawled out on the floor, now covered in cushions and blankets, as she took over the TV.

Peter loved the feeling of it all, the feeling of pack that surrounded him in the form of quiet conversation and the warmth beside him.

He never thought he’d have this, never thought it would be Derek that gave it to him.

Despite that he was happy, for the first time in a long time he felt like he belonged, he was determined to get his strength back, the strength to protect his pack.

It was during one of these moments that Peter was reminded of something, was reminded of a book he used to own that would make things easier for Derek.

“Stiles!” he called abruptly, he sat up quickly and pulled away from Derek, the other man reached out and pulled him back into his side with a displeased scowl “don’t get yourself worked up,” Derek chastised earning an eye roll from Peter.

Obviously hearing Peter from where he and Chris were, Stiles came in with a raised eyebrow and a stack of paper in one hand “I have an idea, it suits your area of expertise,” Peter tried to straighten up but Derek’s hold on him wouldn’t let him.

“Oh,” Stiles was curious now and sat on the couch beside him “do tell Peter,” he pulled out a notepad and pen, Peter hadn’t even realised he had, and gave Peter his full attention.

“Did you ever find a book called ‘Sparks: Werewolves and their pack’ when you were raiding my extensive collection?” Peter gave Stiles a knowing look which earned him a blush from the other man, Stiles turned away and Peter knew he was thinking.

“Yes actually, it’s one of the only books from your collection that I haven’t yet read,” Stiles looked back at Derek, who looked curious and confused, and Peter, who just smirked that familiar smirk.

“In that book is a detailed ritual that can only be performed by someone like you, it should make Derek something akin to a True Alpha,” when Peter finished he heard Stiles suck in a shocked breath, Derek’s arms around him tightened and Peter couldn’t help feeling slightly smug “the Hale Alpha Spark should still be floating around out there.”

When he tacked that last part on he saw Cora snap her head up in disbelief, he could feel Chris and Stiles also staring at him but the fangs embedded in his neck were the only thing he could focus on.

This time he could feel the pain, Derek’s claws nipped at his skin as he tightened his hold around his waist.

At some point in time Peter had ended up in Derek’s lap, his back pressed firmly to Derek’s chest as the other man breathed his scent in.

Peter couldn’t stop the whimper of pain that slipped past his lips, his head tilted back in submission and Derek bit down further.

“Alpha ... hurts,” Peter whimpered but didn’t try to move away, Derek’s claws were lightly embedded in his stomach and his teeth wouldn’t be coming out anytime soon.

A soothing rumble started up behind him but the werewolf didn’t let go, his reluctance and possessiveness was felt by everyone in the room.

“Derek let go before you hurt him more, he isn’t fully healed yet,” Cora tried to get close to loosen her brother’s hold but Derek just growled, it was obvious that the man’s wolf was the one in control at the moment so Cora stepped away with a sigh.

“I’ll find that book out,” Stiles got up followed by Chris and Cora, Peter was thankful they’d left, was thankful they hadn’t tried forcing Derek’s wolf off him.

That would have been a bad idea; Peter just couldn’t understand why the wolf had bit him, he was already pack and had recognised him as Alpha.

After a few minutes Peter could feel Derek reign in control, his claws retracted carefully and then his teeth.

Derek lapped at the blood again as he pressed his hand to the small wounds on Peter’s stomach, unwilling to get blood everywhere and have to leave Peter’s side so he could change.

“Sorry, my wolf just got a little out of hand,” Derek nuzzled Peter’s neck as the wounds healed, Derek pulled Peter’s shirt up and wiped at the now healed skin with a sleeve to get rid of the blood.

“It’s ok, I understand,” Peter knew now why Derek’s wolf had clawed its way out, the prospect of not only becoming an Alpha but also getting the power and connection of the Hale family back was too much for him.

He heard his Beta say he could give him that power back, the one he’d had before. 

The one that connected him to the land he was born on, the instinct to mark and claim was normal in that situation, the wolf wanted to reaffirm and strengthen their bond before they became Alpha again.

Wanted to show everyone that Peter was his, his Beta, his pack and they couldn’t touch him.

It still hurt, Peter was just glad his healing had come back a few days after his last batch of medicine.

Despite having his healing back the bite still left a scar, a werewolf bite only left a scar on another werewolf in certain situations and even then it wasn’t absolute.

Both parties had to be completely willing, the bite from Alpha or soon to be Alpha wouldn’t always scar. Peter was lucky it had, if it hadn’t Derek’s wolf may have been tempted to bite him until it did.

Another bite that scarred was a mating bite, it would only scar if the bite was given during consummation and a knot had formed.

It was also important that they smelled of mate before that, like when Peter was younger and had told Talia that Derek smelled like a potential mate. Compatibility was as important as consent in this situation but Derek would never give him a mating bite, Peter had also never smelt another person that could be his mate.

Only Derek had smelt like that to him, it’s why he’d been alone for so long.

There is one thing Peter had never told anyone, before Eichen House Peter was a virgin. Like most werewolves he’d been saving himself for his mate, the fact that only Derek ever smelt like that limited his options.

If Valack had never got his hands on him, if he hadn’t been raped in the Echo House then Peter would still be a virgin.

The feeling that he’d betrayed his mate, betrayed Derek, was strong now that he was connected to him again.

Guilt swirled around him most nights when the other man was asleep, realistically he knew it wasn’t in his control but that didn’t stop the guilt.

Peter knew Derek probably didn’t know they were mates; Peter had been by Derek’s side since he was a baby, he wouldn’t have been able to differentiate the smell of mate from the smell he had grown up with.

The smell of Uncle Peter, of home and pack, of family and safety.

That knowledge alone crushed Peter sometimes, when he was alone with his thoughts at night or waiting for Derek to get ready.

Now that he had pack bonds again he tried to suppress those emotions, tried to make sure Derek didn’t realise and be disgusted with him. He couldn’t live if Derek rejected him like that, if he threw him aside after learning his secret so he blocked certain things off.

Made sure the bond didn’t get too strong, made sure Derek wouldn’t be able to find out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derek could finally feel Peter again, could feel the pack bond that had snapped so long ago and he noticed something different. No, not different but something he hadn’t realised was there before now.

It wasn’t new to him, he’d felt it once before a long time ago.

The smell, the feeling coming from Peter was the same as the one from Paige, this one was stronger though.

He felt the familiarity of it wash over him but now he knew, he knew that the scent of Peter wasn’t just family, that the bond that had always been stronger than most wasn’t just because they were related.

Peter gave off the feeling of mate, it was more powerful than when his wolf, his instincts urged him to bite and claim Peter as his mate.

This was different, it felt like him and Peter were more than just compatible.

Ii felt right, like they were True mates.

The only one for each other and Derek couldn’t help wondering if Peter felt what he was, if so then why hadn’t he told him before.

Why had he hidden the fact that they were right?

Derek felt part betrayed part guilty, he’d had the chance to find out why Peter’s smell was different before the fire.

After Paige he should have known, known that the smell of Peter was more than what it was from the other members of his family but he was ignorant.

He’ learnt about mates, knows that for some werewolves there is only ever one person that will ever smell like mate to their wolf. That for others they have multiple, they can move on if their mate dies or rejects them.

Derek knows what that’s like, Paige had smelled like mate but not like Peter does.

Peter’s overwhelms him to the point where he thinks maybe Paige and he were never compatible, were never really mates.

Not like this, not like Peter.

Peter felt like his True mate, his one and only. 

Looking back he realises that maybe Peter hadn’t said anything because of Talia, maybe he’d moved out so soon so he could get away from Derek’s scent taunting him, dangling his only chance at having a mate in front of him without any chance of being allowed it.

Because now that he knows he remembers that Peter had never brought anyone back, had never smelt of another person like that.

Their pack was traditional when it came to positions and mates, almost everyone in the pack had stayed a virgin until they met their mate, until they met someone who accepted them ad their mate.

Derek had no doubt that Peter would have followed the traditions, had no doubt that Peter would save himself for his mate.

Now knowing that Peter is one of the few destined to only ever have one mate, he feels guilty.

If only he’d been less caught up with the Paige, she wasn’t even mate; his wolf didn’t act like this back with her. If only he didn’t latch onto Kate so soon, he might have been able to tell the difference in Peter’s scent.

The betrayal he was feeling was dimming down, he remembers what Cora had said about their mother, about their pack and understands that Peter probably tried.

He’s not the type to give up after all, not the type to submit to anyone he deems lesser.

And that’s just it isn’t it, Peter had never submitted to ANY Alpha before he’d submitted to him.

That knowledge makes him proud, knowing that he is the only Alpha Peter has ever seen as his, that he is the only one that has marked and scented Peter as his Beta.

And deep down inside he can’t help but think that maybe this is Peter’s way of telling him, of reaching out and trying.

Trying to be something to his mate, something dependable and trustworthy.

Derek remembers the time he killed Peter, killed his mate and he can’t help the pain and guilt he feels. He wants to make it up to him, to accept him but now isn’t the time, there is still so much they need to do.


	14. What a day to burn, the best for revenge.

It was five days before the full moon when Stiles had all of the things he needed for the ritual, Isaac had started to hang around the loft and Peter discovered that Isaac and Chris were together.

Apparently Chris was Isaac’s mate, Isaac had explained how he’d mistaken Chris and Allison’s scents when he first met them and thought Allison was his mate.

Now he knows what he felt for Allison wasn’t that type of love, that they were more like family and that’s why they didn’t end up working out.

Isaac spend a lot of time glued to Peter’s side, he was the only one in their group what it was like to be abused and raped.

He understands the feeling Peter gets t scrub his skin, the sudden nausea when certain people touch him, the lack of appetite sometimes, most of all he understands the pain, the nightmares and he offers Peter comfort.

The Beta was one of the only ones that never hated Peter before; he could feel the pain on the older wolf despite how hard he tried to hide it.

Peter was surprised Isaac wanted to be close to him, at first he tried to avoid it but then he just melted.

There was something about Isaac that made Peter trust him, made him want to be close to the Beta and for the first time since being back he spent more of his time away from Derek.

Derek was happy for Peter but the fact the older wolf had been spending less and less time with him was grating on his nerves, for the past week Peter had been sleeping with Isaac on the couch and Derek was more than a little jealous.

“You know it’s becoming increasingly obvious how you feel about him,” Stiles stated as they watched Cora and Isaac fight over the rights to chose the next movie, Peter and Chris were occupying the couch as they sat back and laughed at the younger Betas.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Derek grit out with a scowl, his eyes not leaving Peter’s form “oh don’t give me that Sourwolf, he’s your mate isn’t he?” Stiles smiled a knowing smile and Derek could only sigh.

“It’s not right to tell him yet, we have so much to do,” Derek looked at Stiles to see the other already looking at him “Derek he’s waited for so long for this. The night he offered me the bite he proposed to me, he took my wrist and brought it to his mouth.”

Derek growled at that “oh hush, he didn’t actually mean it. He had been alone for so long that he latched onto the first person he could, he wanted his mate but couldn’t have him,” Stiles sighed “his wolf probably smelt you on me that night, he must have been so confused to smell someone he could be with and then realise it wasn’t real.”

He understood, what he’d felt for Paige, what he’d smelt, was deceiving his human self but his wolf knew better.

His wolf never acted the way it does around Peter, he couldn’t help wondering how disappointed Peter must have been when he found out the smell coming from Stiles wasn’t the smell of another potential mate.

How must he have felt knowing he only has one chance at a mate, one chance that he believes will never happen?

And here Derek is, holding all the cards with no intention of changing their relationship.

“Peter came to me not long after we rescued him,” Stiles began quieter this time and Derek couldn’t help getting interested “hmm?” he urged as they retreated further into the kitchen “he told me he didn’t want to get better,” Derek sucked in a shocked breath but Stiles put his hand on his still crossed arms.

“Don’t worry I convinced him otherwise. That’s not the point though Derek, back when I was in high school I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved, that I wouldn’t push it but it’s hurting the both of you more than I can bear.”

“How did you work it out so quickly?” Derek wanted to know how someone unrelated to them could see it before even himself “I read about mates when Scott started ditching me for Allison, then the way you acted after Peter’s death kind of gave it away.”

Stiles shrugged then looked over at Cora “when Cora came my suspicions were confirmed, apparently she’d known since you were children,” he laughed at Derek’s shocked expression.

“Peter didn’t want to get better because he didn’t want you to leave him again,” he explained earning another questioning look from Derek “he didn’t want you to hate him and barely tolerate his existence again; I think he’d rather die than go through that again.”

Derek felt like he finally understood, like he finally grasped why Peter had hidden this for so long.

He no doubt felt like Derek didn’t want him, like he didn’t deserve a mate and that crushed Derek.

“Chris told me some things about Isaac, about why it took them so long to get together,” Stiles hesitated but Derek wanted to know, wanted to be able to make it right with Peter.

“Werewolves normally stay virgins until they find their mates right?” Stiles questioned “usually, our pack was very traditional so it was normal for us. I’m one of the only one that didn’t from the younger generation.”

Derek confirmed but when he saw the increasingly worried look on Stiles’ face he began to panic “Stiles why is that important, what did you learn?” Derek panicked slightly but didn’t let it show.

“Peter was raped Derek,” Stiles looked at him tearfully, Derek felt there was more to what Stiles was getting at so didn’t interrupt him “Chris told me that Isaac refused to be with his mate because he felt like he betrayed them, he felt dirty and unworthy. Isaac was raped and when he found his mate he felt like he didn’t deserve them, he rejected Chris more than once and if Chris was a werewolf it would have affected him badly.” 

Stiles explained and he got it, he finally got Peter’s reluctance and acceptance of their current situation.

Peter had something sacred taken from him, something he was saving for Derek and now he felt unworthy.

Felt like he wouldn’t be accepted because he had been defiled, been taken against his will and Derek wanted nothing more than to prove to him that he still wanted him.

He felt like a fool for waiting so long, he was about to go to Peter when Stiles stopped him with a firm hand on his arm.

“That’s not all Derek; you heard what Cora said about your old pack. I don’t think Peter will believe it if you tell him you want him, he’s been through so much and needs time. You had the right idea when you decided to wait, just until the full moon at least,” Stiles urged and Derek wanted to pull away, wanted to take Peter into his arms and reassure him.

In the end Stiles was right, Stiles was always right so he nodded his agreement and decided to spend more time with Peter.

He headed to the couch and sat beside Peter; he pulled the man onto his lap and locked his arms around his waist.

“Der let go,” Peter whined and tried to wriggle away “no, stay still or I’ll take you upstairs and ban you from seeing Isaac again,” Derek threatened with a pout, Peter sat back and sighed softly making Derek smile.

Everything was going fine; they’d taken the supplies and headed into the preserve in search of the Nemeton.

Stiles had already set up most of the ritual and Peter was beside him, everything was going so well.

He could feel the magic working in the air around them, Peter was with the rest of the pack off to the side, he wasn’t wearing his leather jacket but he was bundled in a large coat Stiles had lent to him with the excuse that all of Derek’s jackets weren’t warm enough.

Derek felt as the Alpha Spark transferred to him, felt his bonds grow stronger and he let out a howl in triumph.

Everything went wrong from there, Scott McCall and his pack came into the clearing, they headed for Peter and Derek’s wolf didn’t like that.

Cora and Stiles tried to protect Peter but Liam managed to get a strike in, Derek could feel the panic set into Peter and he looked ready to run.

Peter collapsed onto the ground in pain and Derek wanted to get to him, Deaton had separated him from Peter with a barrier of mountain ash, the ash surrounded Peter and the older wolf looked terrified.

Scott had a Molotov cocktail and Derek felt his whole world stop, he’d seen this happen before.

Seen Peter be held down as someone set him on fire again, he had held him down, he remembers the feeling of Peter’s blood on his claws and doubles his frantic efforts to get to Peter but the mountain ash stopped him.

Wide terrified eyes turned to him “Alpha ... help,” he barely heard the tiny whimpers and pleading as Peter called out to him, called out for him to help, to save him, to not let him burn again and Derek couldn’t do anything.

Peter held his bleeding side with one hand, his other reaching for Derek as he knelt in the mountain ash barrier with Scott.

Again, he was going to lose his mate again, they were so close this time, almost to the point where he could hold and mark and claim the other wolf.

He saw the moment Scott threw the cocktail, felt the heat of the flames as Peter’s screams reached his ears.

The barrier separating him and McCall stopped him from destroying the wolf that killed his mate again and he couldn’t help the roar of pain and promise of death.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter felt the moment the cocktail hit him, felt as heat licked up his skin again and he felt as he burnt again.

His flesh sizzled and melted, his nose was filled with the smell of burning flesh and ash.

His wolf despaired, their Alpha’s roar reached them and they knew they’d be avenged but Peter couldn’t give up, he finally had a pack.

Giving up wasn’t an option, he wouldn’t die not like this, not by fire.

The shift came easily, compared to the flames consuming his body the snap of bones was less painful, the fact that he hadn’t shifted in over twelve years made the snap of bones painful but he was used to it.

He could hear the sickening pop and crack over his dwindling screaming, a roar of fury came from his jaw and he knew he was now a wolf.

Scott was right there, just five meters away and despite the agonizing feeling of burning he took his first step to the man, his white fur seemed to glow with the hot flames and his icy blue eyes began glowing Beta blue.

Flames danced in his gaze as he leapt at the shocked man, the man that had burned him twice and locked him away in Eichen twice also.

He couldn’t forgive him; he and his wolf wanted him dead.

Wanted to get rid of the mistake they’d made, wanted to rip it limb from limb then take his still beating heart in his jaws and crush it.

So that’s what he did, the Alpha hadn’t gotten any better at fighting since last time and his shock made it easy as Peter tore off his right arm.

An angry roar and red eyes were directed at him but he didn’t back down, the flames had died down somewhat but they still licked at his fur and skin.

He wasn’t healing, again he was left with festering wounds, McCall had taken away the one thing he’d been able to give his mate.

Taken away the pride he felt directed at him when Derek saw that the last of his wounds were almost healed, he was almost there, almost had everything he’s ever wanted and this mutt had taken it away again.

The Alpha before him was in his Beta shift, clutching at his bleeding stump but still underestimating Peter.

Peter leapt at him again, took the arm the mutt had used to defend himself and clenched onto it as tightly as he could, he shook and tore until it came away the same as the last one.

McCall fell to the floor, a roar of agony rippling over the clearing, he tried to get Peter to submit but the wolf wouldn’t.

Despite the fire already being out he still felt the burning, bubbling under his flesh.

Hatred consumed him as he used his claws and teeth to dig into his chest; he tore the still beating heart from Scott’s chest and destroyed it in his jaws.

Red bled into his once blue eyes and he let out a roar of utter agony and grief, he’d betrayed his Alpha, this mutt had taken his Alpha from him again.

When the mountain ash barrier was broken by Stiles Peter spun around and took down Deaton, the Druid that had failed his family and then locked him up. He’d taken just as much from him as Scott had, his wolf wanted blood and who was Peter to deny his wolf anything?

The Druid was easier to take down, his back was turned and he had already surrendered to Stiles but Peter didn’t care.

This man had taken everything precious from him and crushed it, crushed every chance he’d ever have at getting his mate.

Jaws crushed the delicate neck from behind, his claws ripped open the man’s back and Peter took the sluggishly beating heart. He crushed it just like they’d done to his, like when they’d taken everything from him.

Another roar of pain, torment and grief ripped through him and he took off into the preserve.

Everyone at the clearing too shocked by everything to realise Peter was running, it took them a few seconds to snap out of it but by the time they did Peter was long gone and the two bodies were cooling on the ground.

“PETER!” he heard Derek calling him but he was losing himself, going feral and his wolf was taking over. His wolf wanted them safe again, wanted to get away from the ‘FIREFIREFIRE!’ Burned into their mind, wanted to get away from the people that wanted to hurt them.

Didn’t want their Alpha to be disappointed with them for their red eyes, their betrayal of the promise their pack mark meant.

Despair and pain and terror forced the burnt body forwards, blood oozed sluggishly from black charred skin and clumps of singed fur were all that was left of the one pristine white.

Peter just wanted it all to end, didn’t want to burn again or feel the pain wracking his body in violent shocks, the screams of his family and his own played over and over in his head.

He couldn’t remember why he even gave himself a chance, why he believed Derek would protect him when no one had ever even tried.


	15. Coat of Snow, Eyes of Ice.

Derek heard it, saw it under the fire and screaming, it was louder than even his own mournful roar promising revenge for his mate.

Peter’s screaming died down and Derek feared he was dying, then the pop and snaps of bones reached his ears and his eyes drifted over, transfixed at the sight before him.

White fur danced and burned with the orange flames, ice like eyes began glowing and he swore he could see flames dancing in them.

The sickening pop as one of Peter’s eyes was destroyed forced a whimper from his throat but Peter’s screaming quickly became a roar of utter pain and fury, he flew at Scott and tore of one of his arms.

The True Alpha tried to make Peter submit but Derek knew he wouldn’t be able to, Peter had never submitted to Alphas; he’d only ever submitted to him.

White and flames flew again in a flurry of claws and sharp canines; Scott was only in his Beta shift thinking he was stronger than Peter, the one person Derek would trust to take down an Alpha without having the same Spark of power.

Teeth latched onto the Alpha’s remaining arm and violently tore, his whole body flinging left and right to tear the arm off the body, the flames were put out from the violent movements but Peter wasn’t done, wasn’t satisfied with how he’d ripped the limbs from the Alpha that had burned him.

McCall fell to the floor, a roar of agony rippling over the clearing, he tried to get Peter to submit but the wolf wouldn’t.

He was all wolf as teeth and claws tore open Scott’s chest, beating heart crushed between powerful maws.

As icy blue bled away to bloody red a roar of utter agony and grief sounded from the wolf’s throat, Derek could feel how Peter felt.

Knew that Peter thought he’d betrayed him but Derek didn’t feel like that, Peter was magnificent as he towered over his enemies cooling bodies, Derek wouldn’t have him any other way.

Stiles was quick to incapacitate Deaton and break the mountain ash line, Derek should have seen it coming, should have known Peter would go after the Druid next.

Jaws crushed the delicate neck from behind, claws ripped open the man’s back and Peter took the sluggishly beating heart into his mouth, Derek could see the relief in Peter’s eyes as he crushed it and flung it away.

Another roar of pain, torment and grief ripped through the preserve as Peter took off.

Everyone in the clearing was too shocked by everything to realise Peter was running, it took them a few seconds to snap out of it but by the time they did Peter was long gone and the two bodies were cooling on the ground.

“PETER!” Derek tried to get through the agony overwhelming the bond ‘FIREPAINFIRENOALPHA!’ shot through the bond and Derek felt it straining, Peter was trying to break the bond but he wouldn’t let him, wouldn’t lose him again.

Derek held onto the now red tendril and refused to let go, he felt everything Peter felt as he forced his body into the preserve.

His wolf taking over, feral and needing safety as they tried to heal ‘HELPALPHAMATE!’ travelled through the bond and Derek couldn’t help the tears, his mate was in so much pain, was calling to him for help.

“Derek where did he go?” Cora panicked from where she was guarding the rest of the McCall pack, there were six of them left and they were looking at the bodies on the ground, the banshee had screamed just before the death of their Alpha and Emissary.

“Stiles please, you have to help me find him,” he turned to the man now healing Chris’ worst injuries, with a nod from the older man Stiles stopped what he was doing and cast a tracking spell.

Without waiting for the rest of his pack, Derek took off into the preserve following the small light of magic Stiles had sent out.

After a while things started to look familiar, the tree thinned out until he came to the clearing holding the old house.

It was meant to have been torn down by now, the house was meant to be gone and yet it still stood on the same spot, ash and death lay thick in the air even now and Derek couldn’t help the whine as he followed the magic to the house.

Clots of blood and matted, singed fur dotted the way to the basement.

Derek could smell the fear and pain in the air as he headed down into the place Peter had burnt the first time, the place Peter was once too scared to enter and had now found safety in the burnt out husk.

He smelt him before he saw him, it reminded him too much of the time they found him at Eichen all those weeks ago, burnt flesh and fur entered his nose and he wanted to cry.

“Peter,” he made sure his body blocked the exit as he looked around the dark basement, he was thankful for werewolf eyesight when he saw the shivering wolf at the back of the room, right where he was pulled from all those years ago when he first burned.

The feral growling when he came close made him stop, Peter wasn’t Peter at that moment in time, he was just the wolf and he wouldn’t hesitate attacking if he felt threatened.

Deciding to try anything he could, Derek began taking off his clothes, he shifted with ease into the large black wolf and stalked closer despite the growling.

With a growl of his own that spoke ‘submit’ he approached the wolf whose glowing eyes receded to blue, neck barred in submission as he recognised his Alpha.

Peter allowed Derek to wrap around him in comfort as he tried to clean the wounds, the burning bubbling burns that had cracked skin and exposed bones.

Derek wanted to see the snowy coat of the wolf beside him but the fire had left nothing behind, nothing but blackened skin and grey singed fur matted in black clotted blood.

He could see the previously missing eyes begin to re-grow, the Alpha red nowhere to be seen.

It should have been impossible, impossible for the wolf to make the colour of his wolf’s eyes change to that of his human ones as even he can’t do that but he did, he looked at him with icy eyes as he did his best to clean the still boiling burns.

He had a feeling Peter wouldn’t return with him, knew he wouldn’t be able to change back into a human and wouldn’t want anyone else in his safe space, the fact that he’d not only let Derek near him but also submitted to him settled his worry.

Peter and his wolf still thought of Derek as their Alpha, they didn’t care for the Spark they now carried and his eyes reflected that.

Reflected the trust and willingness to follow their Alpha, it made Derek proud to have Peter’s loyalty like that.

Deciding to watch over Peter as he slept he kept his eyes on the door, when he was certain Peter was asleep he shifted back and took his phone out of his jeans.

To Stiles: Bring burn creams and bandages to the old house.

To Sourwolf:?????

To Stiles: Peter’s in the basement, he won’t be coming out for a while.

To Sourwolf: Everyone’s going to be staying there for the full moon then, I’ll tell them to stay away from the basement?

To Stiles: Thanks, order food.

To Sourwolf: K.

When he’d sorted everything out he shifted back and curled around Peter’s smaller wolf, trying not to let the whimpers of pain bother him too much as there was only so much he could do until Stiles got there with the creams.

He was on alert for over an hour before he heard Stiles and the pack arrive, he shifted back and pulled his jeans on before heading up to meet them.

Peter wasn’t looking too good and he’d rather get him cleaned up as soon as possible, Stiles must have thought the same as he was already at the top of the stairs waiting for him with a first aid box.

“Thanks, I’ll be up later for food,” he scented him quickly before going back down to Peter; the wolf was awake and frantic when he returned.

“Peter, it’s all right I’m here. Look I just went to get something for your burns, its ok,” he rushed over and got the wolf to lie back down, his pacing had opened a few of them back up and blood was sluggishly flowing out of them again.

The cream Stiles had brought was obviously one he’d made himself, it would also get rid of the wolfs-bane that was in the Molotov cocktail and Derek couldn’t help the sigh of relief, he’d only noticed the wolfs-bane after the bleeding had stopped.

With careful hands he smoothed a generous amount of the cream onto the burns; it obviously had a cooling effect if Peter’s relaxing form was anything to go by.

There was still plenty left when he was done so he put it in the first aid box and began wrapping bandages over the burns.

Despite Peter being a werewolf Derek didn’t want to risk him getting any infections, he wanted him to heal as quickly as possible so he isn’t in pain anymore.

Derek couldn’t understand why Peter’s wolf felt safe here, in the basement that had caused him more suffering than most places.

It was something he’d have to ask the older wolf at some point, when he wasn’t injured and feral, he hoped he was enough to get Peter back, get him to change and explain what his sudden shift into a wolf was about.

Peter settled onto the concrete and Derek took his place beside him, deciding to stay human so he could drain Peter's pain away whilst he waited for Stiles to order food, he had no doubt the man was going to bring other things down for them and he trusted him to look after the pack for him.

His own wolf only settled once Peter had stopped whimpering from the pain, black veins ran up his arm and he had to grit his teeth at the amount of pain he was taking from the other wolf. It wasn't yet too much but he could only keep it up for so long, he could hear his pack talking to what was left of the McCall pack on the front porch and knew he'd have nothing to distract him from Peter.

The worry he felt at this set back, the devastation that someone would target Peter and burn him again made his heart clench, deep down he knew he was no better than Scott or Kate, he'd left his uncle more than once and killed him before.

He may not have set him on fire but what he did was just as bad, just the knowledge that Peter still trusts him after all of that makes hope bubble up in his chest, seeing Peter injured again he was reminded of how short life for werewolves can be. Realised that if he doesn't tell Peter soon, doesn't claim him as his mate then one day he might lose him before he can.

It strengthened his resolve, made him realise that he had to tell Peter as soon as he was Peter again. He couldn't risk losing him again, not without knowing what they could be.

Stiles' footsteps getting closer is what startles him awake, he hadn't even realised he'd closed his eyes never mind gone to sleep but he still got up.

Despite knowing Stiles was pack, that he wasn't a threat, he couldn't help not wanting any of them near Peter now.

Not after what had just happened, there was a burning possessive need deep inside his chest telling him to look after his mate and keep him away from everyone else, too scared they may want to hurt him when he's not looking and not even the fact that they are pack stopped that feeling.

Deucalion had trusted his pack when he was injured and look at what had happened to him, he couldn't risk it, not with Peter being an Alpha too.

The wolves may feel threatened that Peter's now an Alpha as well, with him not being properly bonded to Derek other than a pack bond they might want one of them dead, instinct is harder for the bitten wolves to control and there was only one born wolf up there to stop them.

Realistically Derek knew they wouldn't harm him, knew his pack would stop the McCall pack or even Isaac from getting close to the basement.

But his wolf, the feeling in his chest, the need to hide and let Peter heal somewhere no one can reach them is stronger than knowing they'll be safe.

His wolf is right to be cautious after everything they'd been through, was right to want to hide their injured mate after knowing what the Blackwood pack had done, he'd only just become the Alpha and he didn't trust his pack like he should, the bonds too new to trust anyone but Cora with this.

So when the footsteps stopped at the top of the stairs he carefully removed his arms from around the wolf and headed for them, Chinese takeout wafted down the stairs as he got closer and he couldn't be more grateful when he reached the top and saw Stiles with mountains of blankets (including Peters own) and pillows balanced in his arms.

With a sigh of relief he took the mound and headed back down, he placed them down and went back for the food "thanks Stiles, is everything ok?" he motioned up where he knew the two packs were "don't worry, I've got everything covered," Stiles handed some water bottled over and nudged him back towards the basement.

He went without a fight, he opened the containers of food and poured some water in a dish Stiles had put in the bag then gentle woke Peter, the wolf reluctantly stood on shaky legs and moved over to the food and water.

Whilst he ate Derek sorted the blankets and pillows into a comfortable nest in a cleaner corner than the one Peter had been sleeping in, no blood or fur on the floor, then helped a whimpering Peter over to it.

The wolf hadn't eaten nearly enough but Derek was glad he'd had something.

All of the water was gone at least and he sighed in relief, ate his share of the food then shifter and curled around Peter.

It took him a while to figure out how to drain Peter's pain in wolf form but he managed it eventually, glad when Peter's breathing evened out from the sharp inhale and exhale caused by the pain.


End file.
